- I am productive! I am productive! I am productive!
- Better latte than never.
- A day without coffee is like night…you sleep through it.
- We all have to do the daily grind.
- Espresso yourself.
- Automatic drip defines most people’s personalities.
- Stand your grounds.
- If the spoon doesn’t dissolve, it ain’t coffee.
- I love the caffeine; it’s the rich taste I could do without.
- Don’t stop till you’re shaking.
- Impatience is a virtue.
- Take two cups and call me in the middle of the night.
- Who needs sleep when you’ve got coffee?
- There’s no rest for the caffeinated.
- Decaf is for sissies.
- Man cannot live by coffee alone – donuts are pretty essential too.
- There is no such thing as a free refill.
- It’s okay to be full of beans sometimes.
Tag Archives: lists
All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from Blake’s 7
Note – Blake’s 7 was a British science fiction series from the late 70’s to early 80’s. It was created by Terry Nation, noted for creating the Daleks for Dr. Who.
- Trust is only dangerous when you have to rely on it.
- Reality is a dangerous concept.
- There is no logical reason why aliens should be hairy.
- I am not stupid, I’m not expendable, and I’m not going.
- No good deed goes unpunished.
- It is frequently easier to be honest when you have nothing to lose.
- Civilization has always depended on courtesy rather than truth.
- On Earth it is considered ill-mannered to kill your friends while committing suicide.
- The art of leadership is delegation.
- All that patience gets you is older.
- Show me someone who believes in something, and I will show you a fool.
- Regret is part of being alive — but keep it a small part.
- He who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.
- Infallibility depends on your point of view.
- There are times when even the most cynical must trust in luck.
- Heroics seldom run to schedule.
- Dignity, at all costs, dignity.
- The choice is very simple — either you can fight, or you can die.
- In the end, winning is the only safety.
- Power usually makes its own rules.
- Some days are better than others, Section Leader.
- It is not necessary to become irrational in order to prove that one cares; indeed, it is not necessary to prove it at all.
- While there’s life, there’s threat.
- Luck has nothing to do with it.
- Strategic withdrawl is running away, but with dignity.
- Idealism is a wonderful thing; all you really need is someone rational to put it to proper use.
- Nobody is indispensible.
- Everyone’s entitled to one really bad mistake.
- In the end, your word is all there is, really.
- There are other rules, but you’ll find out what those are when you break them.
All I Need to Know About Birthdays I Learned from My Cat!
- Be finicky – they’ll try harder to please you.
- Give attitude – get attention.
- If you don’t like your presents, SULK.
- If you get bored at your party – just curl up for a nap.
- Don’t stress out over your first grey whisker.
- Act completely unimpressed by the presents you receive.
- Remember, this is your day, so if anyone bugs you, you’re allowed to hiss and spit.
- Take the day off and lie in the sun.
- Stay out on the prowl all night long.
- Demand only the most expensive fresh fish for dinner.
- It’s a good day to shed your inhibitions.
- Act catty – toy with your presents before you tear them open.
- Don’t overdo it with the catnip or you’ll regret it in the morning.
- If you aren’t getting enough attention, sharpen your claws on somebody’s leg.
- Don’t let anything or anyone PUT YOU OUT!
- And remember…curiosity might kill you, but birthdays won’t!
All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from My Bible
- Miracles happen
- Somebody loves me
- I am not alone
- The majority isn’t always right
- Wonderful things happen in dungeons
- Death is only skin deep
- Poverty is temporary and so is wealth
- He who dies with the most toys loses the most toys
- You can always go home again
- Things will look better in three days
- I always have at least one friend that is closer than a brother
- Family is everywhere
- There is always something good to look forward to
All I Need to Know About Life I Learned by Watching Invasion of the Bee Girls
Forget the Bible or Little House on the Prairie, if you want to learn the REALLY important lessons in life, watch “Invasion of the Bee Girls”, a seventies film about a powerful cosmic force that turns Earth women into queen bees who kill men by wearing them out sexually. For those poor deprived creatures who can’t get access to this cinematic delight, here are the vitally important lessons to be learned:
- It isn’t true that men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
- Flares never go out of fashion.
- If it’s covered in flashing lights, it is guaranteed to ruin any villain’s dastardly plan. (Someone should tell the UN about this: one disgruntled office worker with good security clearance and a large wrench and Osama could be history in less than five minutes.)
- Flash your tits at any male and they will happily buy you dinner, give you any confidential files vital to the security of Earth and let you murder them.
- Only evil women have orgasms or become lesbians.
- Staggeringly good looking women are naturally attracted to hideous, chauvinistic men.
- Scientists are irredeemably horny, unless they’re female in which case they are frigid until injected with bee DNA.
- The more nonsensical the scientific theory, the more likely it is to be true.
- People who live in small towns are very, very depraved.
- Never sleep with someone who makes loud buzzing noises.
- Real breasts sag.
All I Need to Know About Life I Learned By Shopping
- Get it now. Tomorrow it might be gone.
- If it’s on sale, you need it.
- Never ask your mother her opinion.
- You can always take it back.
- You’ll grow into it.
- By the time you need it, you’ll lose ten pounds.
- Never believe anyone who says, “It’s really you”.
- If they’re working on commission, they’re lying.
- Know when to yell, “Charge!”
- So many malls, so little time.
- If you put it on your credit card, it’s not really spending money.
- Always try to spend someone else’s money first.
- There’s no such thing as compulsive shopping, just enthusiastic shopping.
- Shopping is patriotic. It’s good for the economy.
- If you’ve still got checks, there must be money in the account.
- You can always get more credit.
- If you want it, you deserve it.
All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from My Cat
- Life is hard and then you nap.
- Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours
- Variety is the spice of life: One day ignore people, the next day annoy them and play with them when they’re busy.
- When in doubt, cop an attitude.
- Climb your way to the top — that’s why the drapes are there.
- Never sleep alone when you can sleep on someone’s face.
- Make your mark in the world — or at least spray in each corner.
- When you go out into the world, always remember, being placed on a pedestal is a right, not a privilege.
- Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, “I care.”
All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from A Snowman
- It’s okay if you’re a little bottom heavy.
- Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.
- Wearing white is always appropriate.
- Winter is the best of the four seasons.
- It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.
- There’s nothing better than a foul weather friend.
- The key to life is to be a jolly, happy soul.
- We’re all made up of mostly water.
- You know you’ve made it when they write a song about you.
- Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!
- Don’t get too much sun.
- It’s embarrassing when you can’t look down and see your feet.
- It’s fun to hang out in your front yard.
- There’s no stopping you once you’re on a roll.
All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from Noah’s Ark
- Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
- Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something Really big.
- Don’t listen to critics. Do what has to be done.
- Build on the high ground.
- For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
- Two heads are better than one.
- Speed isn’t always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were the snails.
- If you can’t fight or flee–float.
- Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.
- Don’t forget that we’re all in the same boat.
- When the doo-doo gets really deep, don’t sit there and complain–shovel!
- Stay below deck during the storm.
- Remember that the ark was built by amateurs & the Titanic was built by professionals.
- If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.
- Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.
- No matter how bleak it looks, there’s always a rainbow on the other side.
- DON’T MISS THE BOAT !!!!
You’re Not Old Unless You Can Remember…
- Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.
- When Kool-Aid was the only drink for kids, other than milk and sodas.
- When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for “gym.”
- When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.
- When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.
- When nobody owned a purebred dog.
- When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter a huge bonus.
- When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
- When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.
- When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
- When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done, everyday.
- When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking,….. for free, every time and you didn’t pay for air. And you got trading stamps to boot!
- When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.
- When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
- When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
- When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed…and did!
- When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.
- When women were called, “Mrs. John Smith,” instead of their own name.