- Sleep ’til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am!
- Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green.
- Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states.
- Never in car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
- Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking keep bugging you to carpool.
- No one can see you pick your nose while you drive.
- Lunch breaks in Paris, circa 1792.
- LA to Vegas in 2 nanoseconds.
- You can stop worrying about being sucked into a black hole driving home from work.
- You’ll be so thin while driving it you can even wear horizontal stripes.
- That deer in your headlights is actually behind you.
- Kid from Mentos commercial almost guaranteed to lose a limb if he tries to duck through back seat.
- Traffic enforcement limited to cops with PhD’s in Quantum Physics.
- Bugs never see you comin’.
- Can make a fortune delivering pizza with the slogan “It’s there before you order or it’s free!”
- License plate: “Me=mc2”
- Cigarette butts don’t land in the backseat — they land in last week
- Chicks dig it.
Tag Archives: science fiction
All I Need to Know in Life I Learned from the X-Files
- If you see a bee, RUN!
- Avoid being abducted by aliens at all costs
- Never expect an informant to stick around for long
- Avoid people dressed in black
- Glow-in-the-dark bugs are bad
- Freaky worm mutants that live in sewers are bad
- Protect your liver from mutant liver-eating men
- Protect your pituitary gland from mutant pituitary gland-eating men
- Protect your fat from mutant fat-eating men
- Always check rocks for gooey alien black oil
- Make sure your local PTA is demon-free
- Avoid people with gargoyle fetishes
- Don’t bring your pet when you go lake monster hunting
- Don’t smoke
- Don’t get a red tattoo
- Don’t drill holes in your head
- Red eyes are a bad sign
- If you feel yourself being ‘drawn’ somewhere, in short – don’t go
- The truth *is* out there…somewhere
- If it’s iced tea, it could be love, but if it’s root beer, it’s fate.
- Never leave home without your Superduper Alien-Bounty-Hunter-Killing Fffftttt Stiletto Needle Thing Weapon thing
- Cable T.V. can be linked to strange behavior – Trust me, I know
All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Star Trek
- Seek out new life and new civilizations.
- Non-interference is the prime directive.
- Keep your phaser set on stun.
- Humans are highly illogical.
- Having a thing is not so pleasing as wanting: it is not logical, but it is often true.
- Tribbles hate Klingons (and Klingons hate Tribbles).
- Enemies are often invisible, like Klingons, they can be cloaked.
- There’s no such thing as a Vulcan death grip.
- Live long and prosper.
- Infinite Diversity and Infinite Combinations (IDIC).
- Don’t put all your ranking officers in one shuttlecraft.
- When your logic fails, trust a hunch.
- Insufficient data does not compute.
- If it can’t be fixed, ask Scotty.
- Even in our own world sometimes we are aliens.
- When going out into the universe “BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE.”
All I Need to Know About Life I Learned by Watching Dr. Who
- Don’t be afraid to dress conspicuously
- “There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes”
- Be polite to strangers – offer them a jelly baby
- Face bureaucracy with sarcasm
- Bad guys always wear black
- Almost any problem can be solved by reversing the polarity of the neutron flow
- Never trust anyone with a sinister beard and a high collar
- When in doubt, bang the console
- Nearly anyone will fall for the really big lie at some point
- If it glows, avoid it
- The gravel quarries are not what they seem
- Bad guys will not see you if you stand really close to the wall, even if they walk right past you
- All the aliens speak with British accents
- All alien planets have corridors somewhere
- There’s nothing the sonic screwdriver can’t handle (apart from a voice activated lock)
- Every alien planet has open cast mining
- “When I say run, RUN!”
- “Everyone remotely interesting is mad in one way or another”
- “Somewhere else the Tea’s getting cold”
- The worst won’t happen if you do something immensely clever
- “Humans have an amazing capacity for self-deception”
- If you’re so clever, follow me up the stairs
- Your best weapons are your mind, your scarf, and your brolly (British slang for umbrella)
- Blowing up earth will not solve your own impotence
- You never know what you’re going to get
- “I am the master, you will obey me”
- Life is hard, then you regenerate
- However bad it may be, it’ll all blow up in the last scene
- Companions may come and go, but your K9 is forever
- “I’m HAPPY!”
- “First things first – but not necessarily in that order”
All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from Blake’s 7
Note – Blake’s 7 was a British science fiction series from the late 70’s to early 80’s. It was created by Terry Nation, noted for creating the Daleks for Dr. Who.
- Trust is only dangerous when you have to rely on it.
- Reality is a dangerous concept.
- There is no logical reason why aliens should be hairy.
- I am not stupid, I’m not expendable, and I’m not going.
- No good deed goes unpunished.
- It is frequently easier to be honest when you have nothing to lose.
- Civilization has always depended on courtesy rather than truth.
- On Earth it is considered ill-mannered to kill your friends while committing suicide.
- The art of leadership is delegation.
- All that patience gets you is older.
- Show me someone who believes in something, and I will show you a fool.
- Regret is part of being alive — but keep it a small part.
- He who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.
- Infallibility depends on your point of view.
- There are times when even the most cynical must trust in luck.
- Heroics seldom run to schedule.
- Dignity, at all costs, dignity.
- The choice is very simple — either you can fight, or you can die.
- In the end, winning is the only safety.
- Power usually makes its own rules.
- Some days are better than others, Section Leader.
- It is not necessary to become irrational in order to prove that one cares; indeed, it is not necessary to prove it at all.
- While there’s life, there’s threat.
- Luck has nothing to do with it.
- Strategic withdrawl is running away, but with dignity.
- Idealism is a wonderful thing; all you really need is someone rational to put it to proper use.
- Nobody is indispensible.
- Everyone’s entitled to one really bad mistake.
- In the end, your word is all there is, really.
- There are other rules, but you’ll find out what those are when you break them.