Cool Things About a Car that Goes Faster than the Speed of Light

  • Sleep ’til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am!
  • Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green.
  • Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states.
  • Never in car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
  • Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking keep bugging you to carpool.
  • No one can see you pick your nose while you drive.
  • Lunch breaks in Paris, circa 1792.
  • LA to Vegas in 2 nanoseconds.
  • You can stop worrying about being sucked into a black hole driving home from work.
  • You’ll be so thin while driving it you can even wear horizontal stripes.
  • That deer in your headlights is actually behind you.
  • Kid from Mentos commercial almost guaranteed to lose a limb if he tries to duck through back seat.
  • Traffic enforcement limited to cops with PhD’s in Quantum Physics.
  • Bugs never see you comin’.
  • Can make a fortune delivering pizza with the slogan “It’s there before you order or it’s free!”
  • License plate: “Me=mc2”
  • Cigarette butts don’t land in the backseat — they land in last week
  • Chicks dig it.

All I Need to Know in Life I Learned from the X-Files

  • If you see a bee, RUN!
  • Avoid being abducted by aliens at all costs
  • Never expect an informant to stick around for long
  • Avoid people dressed in black
  • Glow-in-the-dark bugs are bad
  • Freaky worm mutants that live in sewers are bad
  • Protect your liver from mutant liver-eating men
  • Protect your pituitary gland from mutant pituitary gland-eating men
  • Protect your fat from mutant fat-eating men
  • Always check rocks for gooey alien black oil
  • Make sure your local PTA is demon-free
  • Avoid people with gargoyle fetishes
  • Don’t bring your pet when you go lake monster hunting
  • Don’t smoke
  • Don’t get a red tattoo
  • Don’t drill holes in your head
  • Red eyes are a bad sign
  • If you feel yourself being ‘drawn’ somewhere, in short – don’t go
  • The truth *is* out there…somewhere
  • If it’s iced tea, it could be love, but if it’s root beer, it’s fate.
  • Never leave home without your Superduper Alien-Bounty-Hunter-Killing Fffftttt Stiletto Needle Thing Weapon thing
  • Cable T.V. can be linked to strange behavior – Trust me, I know

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Star Trek

  • Seek out new life and new civilizations.
  • Non-interference is the prime directive.
  • Keep your phaser set on stun.
  • Humans are highly illogical.
  • Having a thing is not so pleasing as wanting: it is not logical, but it is often true.
  • Tribbles hate Klingons (and Klingons hate Tribbles).
  • Enemies are often invisible, like Klingons, they can be cloaked.
  • There’s no such thing as a Vulcan death grip.
  • Live long and prosper.
  • Infinite Diversity and Infinite Combinations (IDIC).
  • Don’t put all your ranking officers in one shuttlecraft.
  • When your logic fails, trust a hunch.
  • Insufficient data does not compute.
  • If it can’t be fixed, ask Scotty.
  • Even in our own world sometimes we are aliens.
  • When going out into the universe “BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE.”

All I Need to Know About Life I Learned by Watching Dr. Who

  • Don’t be afraid to dress conspicuously
  • “There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes”
  • Be polite to strangers – offer them a jelly baby
  • Face bureaucracy with sarcasm
  • Bad guys always wear black
  • Almost any problem can be solved by reversing the polarity of the neutron flow
  • Never trust anyone with a sinister beard and a high collar
  • When in doubt, bang the console
  • Nearly anyone will fall for the really big lie at some point
  • If it glows, avoid it
  • The gravel quarries are not what they seem
  • Bad guys will not see you if you stand really close to the wall, even if they walk right past you
  • All the aliens speak with British accents
  • All alien planets have corridors somewhere
  • There’s nothing the sonic screwdriver can’t handle (apart from a voice activated lock)
  • Every alien planet has open cast mining
  • “When I say run, RUN!”
  • “Everyone remotely interesting is mad in one way or another”
  • “Somewhere else the Tea’s getting cold”
  • The worst won’t happen if you do something immensely clever
  • “Humans have an amazing capacity for self-deception”
  • If you’re so clever, follow me up the stairs
  • Your best weapons are your mind, your scarf, and your brolly (British slang for umbrella)
  • Blowing up earth will not solve your own impotence
  • You never know what you’re going to get
  • “I am the master, you will obey me”
  • Life is hard, then you regenerate
  • However bad it may be, it’ll all blow up in the last scene
  • Companions may come and go, but your K9 is forever
  • “I’m HAPPY!”
  • “First things first – but not necessarily in that order”

All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from Blake’s 7

Note – Blake’s 7 was a British science fiction series from the late 70’s to early 80’s. It was created by Terry Nation, noted for creating the Daleks for Dr. Who.

  • Trust is only dangerous when you have to rely on it.
  • Reality is a dangerous concept.
  • There is no logical reason why aliens should be hairy.
  • I am not stupid, I’m not expendable, and I’m not going.
  • No good deed goes unpunished.
  • It is frequently easier to be honest when you have nothing to lose.
  • Civilization has always depended on courtesy rather than truth.
  • On Earth it is considered ill-mannered to kill your friends while committing suicide.
  • The art of leadership is delegation.
  • All that patience gets you is older.
  • Show me someone who believes in something, and I will show you a fool.
  • Regret is part of being alive — but keep it a small part.
  • He who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.
  • Infallibility depends on your point of view.
  • There are times when even the most cynical must trust in luck.
  • Heroics seldom run to schedule.
  • Dignity, at all costs, dignity.
  • The choice is very simple — either you can fight, or you can die.
  • In the end, winning is the only safety.
  • Power usually makes its own rules.
  • Some days are better than others, Section Leader.
  • It is not necessary to become irrational in order to prove that one cares; indeed, it is not necessary to prove it at all.
  • While there’s life, there’s threat.
  • Luck has nothing to do with it.
  • Strategic withdrawl is running away, but with dignity.
  • Idealism is a wonderful thing; all you really need is someone rational to put it to proper use.
  • Nobody is indispensible.
  • Everyone’s entitled to one really bad mistake.
  • In the end, your word is all there is, really.
  • There are other rules, but you’ll find out what those are when you break them.