If you see a bee, RUN!
Avoid being abducted by aliens at all costs
Never expect an informant to stick around for long
Avoid people dressed in black
Glow-in-the-dark bugs are bad
Freaky worm mutants that live in sewers are bad
Protect your liver from mutant liver-eating men
Protect your pituitary gland from mutant pituitary gland-eating men
Protect your fat from mutant fat-eating men
Always check rocks for gooey alien black oil
Make sure your local PTA is demon-free
Avoid people with gargoyle fetishes
Don’t bring your pet when you go lake monster hunting
Don’t smoke
Don’t get a red tattoo
Don’t drill holes in your head
Red eyes are a bad sign
If you feel yourself being ‘drawn’ somewhere, in short – don’t go
The truth *is* out there…somewhere
If it’s iced tea, it could be love, but if it’s root beer, it’s fate.
Never leave home without your Superduper Alien-Bounty-Hunter-Killing Fffftttt Stiletto Needle Thing Weapon thing
Cable T.V. can be linked to strange behavior – Trust me, I know
It’s important to have roots.
In today’s complex world, it pays to branch out.
Don’t pine away over old flames.
If you really believe in something, don’t be afraid to go out on a limb.
Be flexible so you don’t break when a harsh wind blows.
Sometimes you have to shed your old bark in order to grow.
If you want to maintain accurate records, keep a log.
To be politically correct, don’t wear firs.
Grow where you’re planted.
It’s perfectly okay to be a late bloomer.
Avoid people who would like to cut you down.
Get all spruced up when you have a hot date.
If the party gets boring, just leaf.
You can’t hide your true colors as you approach the autumn of your life.
It’s more important to be honest than poplar.
You should feel guilty.
Of course you have to pay for missed appointments.
Quit complaining and get a cat.
If sex isn’t dirty, you’re doing it wrong.
You’re not really ugly. You’re just funny looking.
Reality. Try it!
Quit blaming your mother. It’s your father’s fault.
Learn to dread one day at a time.
If you’re really happy, you must be in denial.
You’re still having a lousy childhood. Get help!
Being happy isn’t for everyone.
If you hear voices telling you to go to Hawaii, obey. Just don’t think about it.
This is as good as it gets.
If your inner child robs a bank, it’s you who will go to jail.
Before you start a 12-step program, be sure to see a podiatrist.
Sex is no problem. No sex is a problem.
Only hams get cured. Uh-huh.
I’m not as smart as I thought I was
Only other parents are cool
Gray hair is inherited from our children
I don’t understand anything
You can never have enough nachos, pizza, and soda in the house
Some 4-letter words are hard to speak at home (love, work, help) and other’s aren’t
Toddlers step on your toes, teens step on your heart
I can’t cook
Rules are meant to be broken
You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do
Stress is not for adults only
A clean room is an oxymoron
Friends come first
Dinner together is a “foreign” meal
Live for today
Never take *NO* for an answer
Clothes hangers look better on the floor – next to what they were intended to hang
Video game strategy can be recited in detail, but don’t ask about homework
You’re *amned if you do and you’re *amned if you don’t
Hugs are even better than chocolate.
There’s no such thing as too many kisses.
One good cuddle can change a grumpy day.
Love is supposed to wear out your fur a little.
It’s okay to let your inside stuffing show now and then.
Listening is as important as talking.
Someone’s got to keep their eyes open all the time.
It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.
Everyone needs someone to hold onto.
There’s no friend like an old friend.
Seek out new life and new civilizations.
Non-interference is the prime directive.
Keep your phaser set on stun.
Humans are highly illogical.
Having a thing is not so pleasing as wanting: it is not logical, but it is often true.
Tribbles hate Klingons (and Klingons hate Tribbles).
Enemies are often invisible, like Klingons, they can be cloaked.
There’s no such thing as a Vulcan death grip.
Live long and prosper.
Infinite Diversity and Infinite Combinations (IDIC).
Don’t put all your ranking officers in one shuttlecraft.
When your logic fails, trust a hunch.
Insufficient data does not compute.
If it can’t be fixed, ask Scotty.
Even in our own world sometimes we are aliens.
When going out into the universe “BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE.”
Look before you leap
Don’t worry, they’ll come home – wagging their tails behind them
Never turn your baa-ack on a friend
When chewing your cud, remember: there’s no fat, no calories, no cholesterol and no taste
Sheep Happens!
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence
Don’t let anyone pull the wool over your eyes
Remember to say “Fleece and Thank Ewe”
If you go in like a lion, come out like a lamb
Beware of the wolf in sheep’s clothing
Believe in shear luck
Don’t get your sheep in a bundle!
Someday your sheep will come in
If you can’t sleep, try counting sheep
Encourage people to believe in you.
Always remember who’s naughty and who’s nice.
Don’t pout.
It’s as much fun to give as it is to receive.
Some days it’s okay to feel a little chubby.
Make your presents known.
Always ask for a little bit more than what you really want.
Bright red can make anyone look good.
Wear a wide belt and no-one will notice how many pounds you’ve gained.
If you only show up once a year, everyone will think you’re very important.
Whenever you’re at a loss for words, say: “HO, HO, HO!”
Don’t dream it, be it.
In just seven days (and seven nights), I can make you a man.
Castles don’t have phones, so if you go driving on a rainy night, take a cellular phone.
And check the spare tire before you go.
You can remove the cause, but not the symptom.
Don’t get strung out by the way I look – I’m a wild and an untamed thing.
It’s not easy having a good time, but it is easy to smear your makeup.
I’m a muscle fan, you’d better wise up, build your thighs up.
There’s no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure, unless you’re in a southern state – then it’s seven years.
The only thing I’ve come to trust is an orgasmic rush of lust. Toucha toucha touch me.
Old Steve Reeves movies are not too abysmal.
The future is ours, so let’s plan it.
Time is fleeting, so let’s do the time warp again.
Meat Loaf thought he was Divine. Divine was not amused.
Stay sane inside insanity. Stay dry in the castle.
By the light of the night, it will all seem all right. Of course, you won’t be able to see it.
Housework and child-rearing can be fun when you have 372 servants.
No one can blame you for not cooking if you can’t even *find* the kitchen.
A good prince is hard to find.
If you are going to live with his mother, 400 rooms are not enough.
Why limit yourself to a place in the country when you can *have* the country.
Don’t let a clown with a crown get you down.
There is a new 12-step program for rich men who love too much, are married to women who refuse to eat, and have children who are forbidden to wear long pants.
When the going gets tough, the tough go yachting.
A prince can turn into a frog.
The understanding of what constitutes a dysfunctional family has been raised to royal proportions.
A man isn’t the only one whose home is his castle.
You *can* be too rich or too thin.
When you go out into the world, remember: you don’t need a prince to live happily ever after.
Post navigation
error: Content is protected !!