- So Many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me
- I Suffer Occasional Delusions of Adequacy
- God Made Us Sisters, Prozac Made Us Friends
- If They Don’t Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain’t Going
- My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips
- (Worn by a pregnant woman) A Man Did This To Me, Oprah!
- (On the back of a Harley-rider) If You Can Read This, My Wife Fell Off
- I Used To Be Schizophrenic, But We’re OK Now
- What If The Hokey Pokey Is Really What It’s All About?
- (Over the outline of the state of Minnesota) My Governor Can Beat Up Your Governor
- I Didn’t Climb to the Top of the Food Chain to Be a Vegetarian
- Liberal Arts Major…Will Think For Money
- IRS – Be Audit You Can Be
- Growing Old is Inevitable; Growing Up is Optional
- Coffee, Chocolate, Men…Some Things Are Just Better Rich
- Gravity… It’s Not Just a Good Idea. It’s The Law.
- If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In The Kitchen
- In America, Anyone Can Be President. That’s The Risk You Take.
- First Things First, But Not Necessarily In That Order.
- I Just Do What The Voices Inside My Head Tell Me To Do
- “Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time”
- “Frankly, Scallop, I Don’t Give a Clam” – seen on Cape Cod
- “That’s It! I’m Calling Grandma!” – seen on an 8 year old
- “Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up”
- “Procrastinate Now”
- “Rehab Is for Quitters”
- “My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse – He Couldn’t Do Better and I Couldn’t Do Worse”
- “My Dog Can Lick Anyone”
- “Real Men Don’t Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair”
- “I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts — Do You Want Fries With That?”
- “Party — My Crib – Two A.M.” – Made up to look like an invitation on a baby-size shirt
- “If a woman’s place is in the home WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR!”
- “FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.”
- “I’M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I’VE GOT A GUN”
- “Filthy, Stinking, Rich — Well, Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad”
- “A hangover is the wrath of grapes”
- “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance”
- “STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!”
- “Where there’s a will I want to be in it”
- “How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?”
- “He who dies with the most toys is still dead”
- “HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON’T BELIEVE IN GOSH”
- “Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
- “HARD WORK WILL PAY OFF LATER. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!”
- “The trouble with life is there’s no background music.”
- “IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?”
- “Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane.”
- “MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT”
- “Computer programmers don’t byte, they nybble a bit.”
- “Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.”
- “NyQuil: The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.”
- “Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.”
- I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.
- Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
- Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.
- Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.
- Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
- I’m multi-talented: I can talk and tick you off at the same time.
- Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
- You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
- Don’t tick me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
- Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?
- I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.
- Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
- I hate everybody, and you’re next.
- Please don’t make me kill you.
- And your point is…
- I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re OK now.
- All stressed out and no one to choke.
- I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.
- How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
- Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
- As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
- COFFEE.EXE missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
- Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
- Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
- Backups! We don’ NEED no steenking backups.
- 4 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
- E Pluribus Modem
- Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
- File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
- Ethernet (n): Something used to catch the Etherbunny
- Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are
- A main-frame: The biggest PC peripheral available.
- My software never has bugs. lt just develops undocumented features.
- An error? Impossible! My modem is error-correcting
- C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL
- CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/N)?
- C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN
- <-------- The information went data way
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- Best file compression around- "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
- A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.
- The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
- 11th commandment: Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium
- BREAKFAST.COM Halted .. Cereal Port Not Responding
- 24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case…Coincidence???
- The name is Baud, James Baud.
- Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
- BUFFERS FILES 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go
- Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
- SENILE.COM found… Out Of Memory…
- Access denied! Nah nah na na nah nah!
- Who’s General Failure & why is he reading my disk??
- C:Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner!
- Ultimate office automation: Net-worked coffee.
- Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay!
- RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
- Why doesn’t DOS ever say ‘EXCELLENT’
- Shell to DOS, Come in DOS, do you COPY?
- All computers wait at the same speed.
- Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors.
- Go ahead, make my data!
- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…
- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
- ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
- E-mail returned to sender: Insufficient voltage.
- Help! I’m modeming… and I can’t hang up!!!
- All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
- Error! Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
- DOS Tip #1701: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
- Hidden DOS secret: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…
- Press any key… no, No, NO!! Not THAT one!
- Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue …
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