Dear [____rejectee’s name here_____],

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Ms. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

[Check all those that apply]

___ Your stomach is bigger than mine.

___ Your name is objectionable subjecting my future children to it could scar and yes, scare them for life.

___ Your inadvertent admission that you “buy shoes by the truckload” indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.

___ Your “Putting on a few, aren’t you big boy?” comment, given the 9 months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.

___ You failed the faithful check.

___ I find your inability to cook & clean my house extraordinarily unappealing.

___ The fact that you live with your Mother reveals an inherent psychological syndrome that I fear is unbreakable.

___ The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation.

___ You mention your ex-boyfriends name more than you mention mine.

___ Three words: looks do matter.

Sincerely,

[Your name here]

Dear (____rejectee’s name here____ ),

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as my Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut.

I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: (see below)

[Check all those that apply]

• ___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
• ___ Your last name is objectionable. I can’t imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
• ___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald’s reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
• ___ Your inadvertent admission that you “buy condoms by the truckload” indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
• ___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
• ___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can’t GET into my pants.
• ___ Your “Putting on a few, aren’t you babe?” comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of Your Own beer gut, was inappropriate.
• ___ You failed the credit check.
• ___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
• ___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
• ___ The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation.
• ___ You still live with your parents, and attending night classes to get your High School diploma, are slight negatives.
• ___ You mention your ex-wife’s name more than you mention mine.
• ___ Your gift of a 2 oz. Hershey Bar, with almonds, showed style.
• ___ Three final words…. Size does matter.

Sincerely,

[Your name here]