Dear [____rejectee’s name here_____],
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Ms. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your stomach is bigger than mine.
___ Your name is objectionable subjecting my future children to it could scar and yes, scare them for life.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you “buy shoes by the truckload” indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your “Putting on a few, aren’t you big boy?” comment, given the 9 months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the faithful check.
___ I find your inability to cook & clean my house extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that you live with your Mother reveals an inherent psychological syndrome that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You mention your ex-boyfriends name more than you mention mine.
___ Three words: looks do matter.
[Your name here]