Joe Smith started the day early, having set his alarm clock (made in Japan) for 6:00 am. While his coffee pot (made in Japan) is perking, he puts his blow dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong).
He puts on a dress shirt (made in Taiwan), his designer jeans (made in Singapore), and a pair of tennis shoes (made in Korea). After cooking up some breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in the Philippines), he sits down to figure out on his calculator (made in Mexico) how much he can spend today.
After setting his watch (made in Switzerland) to the radio (made in Hong Kong), he goes out, gets in his car (made in Germany), and, as has been his daily task for months, goes looking for a good paying American job.
After the end of another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decides to relax for a while. He puts on a pair of sandals (made in Brazil), pours himself a glass of wine (made in France), and turns on his TV (made in Japan), and ponders again why he can’t find that “good paying American job.”
I love my Job, I love the Pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my Boss; he’s the best!
I love his boss and all the rest.
I love my Office and its location
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
and the paper that piles up every day!
I love my chair in my padded Cell!
There’s nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my Peers –
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my Computer and all its Software;
I hug it often though it doesn’t care…
I love each Program and every File,
I try to understand once in a while!
I’m happy to be here, I am I am;
I’m the happiest Slave of my uncle Sam.
I love this Work: I love these Chores.
I love the Meetings with deadly Bores.
I love my Job – I’ll say it again –
I even love these friendly Men –
These men who’ve come to visit today
In lovely white coats to take me away!
We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.
We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don’t get our way we will not date anybody that ain’t blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff.
Sined by the blonds at the ofise
(sined with a pensul so you can erace it if you make a mistake)
“Did you hear what happened?” Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work.
“Hear what” I asked, my curiosity peaked.
“The regional vice president died this morning!”
“What?!” I asked, totally stunned. “What happened?”
“He was working through lunch when he had a heart attack” Jim began explaining. “Everyone was gone except his secretary. You know the one.”
“Boy do I. She’s that young blonde babe.”
“Yeah that’s the one. Turns out she isn’t too smart, though.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“He kept yelling at her to ‘call 9-1-1’. She just stood there waiting for him to give her the rest of the phone number.”
A blonde begged her friend at the highway department for a job, any job at all.
“Sure,” he said, “I can’t seem to keep people who paint the lines down the center of the roads. Will you paint stripes?”
The blonde agreed and began work immediately. The first day the blonde painted 5 miles of stripes. The next day the blonde painted three miles. But on the third day she only painted one mile of stripes.
The supervisor took the blonde aside and asked what was wrong. “You worked so hard and painted so fast the first couple of days. Why are you working so slow now?”
The blonde replied, “The bucket keeps getting farther away.”
Next time your application for a job is rejected…
Dear [Interviewer’s Name]:
Thank you for your letter of [Date of Interview]. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have had been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite [Firm’s Name]’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.