- You work very odd hours.
- You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.
- You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.
- You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.
- You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.
- You are not proud of what you do.
- Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.
- It’s difficult to have a family.
- You have no job satisfaction.
- If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.
- You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.
- People ask you, “What do you do?” and you can’t explain it.
- Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.
- Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.
- Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.
- Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.
- You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth, but if the client is foolish enough to pay, it’s not your problem.
- When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).
- You are rated on your “performance” in an excruciating ordeal.
- Even though you get paid the big bucks, it’s the client who walks away smiling.
- The client always thinks your “cut” of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.
- When you deduct your “take” from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.
Tag Archives: office
Office Conduct During the Christmas Season
To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).
- Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
- Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden. (It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)
- Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
- Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house.
- All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
- Work requests are not to be filed under “Bah humbug.”
In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have
a Happy Holiday.
Notice to All Employees
To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).
- Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is strongly discouraged.
- Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden. (It runs up an incredible long distance phone bill.)
- Work requests are not to be filed under “Bah humbug.”
- Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house.
- All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
- Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.
The Computer Hillbillies
Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Jed,
A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed,
But one day he was talking to a recruiter,
Who said, “they pay big bucks if ya work on a computer…”
UNIX, that is… CRTs… Workstations…
Well, the first thing ya know ol’ Jed’s an Engineer.
The kinfolk said “Jed, move away from here”.
They said “Arizona is the place ya oughta be”,
So he bought a box of donuts and he moved to Ahwatukee…
Intel, that is… dry heat… no amusement parks…
On his first day at work, they stuck him in a cube.
Fed him mo’ donuts and sat him at a tube.
Said “yo project’s outta budget, but we know just what to do.
Instead of 40 hours, we’ll work you 52!”
OT, that is… unpaid… mandatory…
The weeks rolled by and things were looking bad.
Schedules were slipping and the boss was getting mad.
They called another meeting and decided on a fix.
The answer was simple… “We’ll work him sixty-six!”
Tired, that is… stressed out… no social life…
Months turned to years and his hair was turning grey.
Jed worked hard while his life just slipped away.
Waiting to retire when he turned to 64,
Instead he got a call and escorted out the door.
Laid off, that is… lead hand shake… unemployed…
Now the moral of the story is listen to what you’re told,
Companies will use you and discard you when you’re old.
So gather up your friends and start your own firm,
Beat the competition, watch the bosses squirm.
Millionaires, that is… Bill Gates… Steve Jobs…
Y’all come back now… ya hear’
Petishun
We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.
We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don’t get our way we will not date anybody that ain’t blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff.
Sined by the blonds at the ofise
XOXOXOXO
OXOXOXOX
XOXOXOXO
OXOXOXOX
(sined with a pensul so you can erace it if you make a mistake)