# Basic Math

This riddle MUST be done in your head and NOT using pen and paper.

Take 1000.
Another 1000.
What is the total?

Now Scroll Down ….

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Did you get 5000? Seems most people do.

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4100. Don’t believe it? Try it with your calculator.

Don’t you feel like an idiot? Well… This has been done by MANY. The result always being the same…

# Will the Real Bill Gates.. Please Stand Up!

The real name of “the” Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates III. By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:

• B — 66
• I — 73
• L — 76
• L — 76
• G — 71
• A — 65
• T — 84
• E — 69
• S — 83
• I — 1
• I — 1
• I — 1
• Add them all together and you get… 666!

Some might ask, “How did Bill Gates get so powerful?” Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind’s ultimate and total enslavement??? Before you decide, consider the following:

MS – DOS 6.21 = 77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666

WINDOWS 95 = 87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666

# Math Quiz for the Emergency Department Staff

1. You are assisting a primary nurse with charcoal administration down an orogastric tube. The room measures eight feet by twelve feet. The patient starts to retch before the tube is pulled. Knowing that charcoal can spew out of a tube in a five foot radius (even with a thumb over the opening) and the stretcher is two feet wide, how many feet per second do you have to back up to get less charcoal on you than the primary nurse?
2. Doctor A picks up a chart out of the rack. S/he finds that it is a repeat patient with abdominal pain. Doctor A puts the chart back. Doctor B picks up the chart five minutes later and also returns it to the rack. Doctor A leaves the nurses’ station heading south at three miles per hour. Doctor B leaves the nurses station for the doctors’ lounge at five miles per hour. How long before the patient is at equal distance from Doctor A and Doctor B?
3. You were assigned two large treatment rooms and the gynecologic room. By the end of the day you have cared for ten patients. Four patients were female over the age of 80, all complaining of weakness. Two patients were male, ages 72 and 50. The last four were female, between the ages of 24 and 40, all complaining of abdominal pain. It is 3:00 p.m. and time to restock the rooms. How many bedpans will you need?
4. You are the primary nurse for an elderly patient with congestive heart failure. The IV stick was exceptionally difficult, but you are able to start an 18 gauge catheter on the second attempt. You leave the room to check on another patient. A relative thinks that the IV has stopped dripping and opens the clamp. How much IV fluid will infuse before you return?
5. You are sent for your morning coffee break. You need to use the restroom but can’t find one unoccupied and have to walk down to the lobby. The coffee pot is dry and you have to make more. When you get to the cafeteria, the line extends ten feet into the hallway. You can’t remember exactly when your break began. How much time do you have left?
6. You are the primary nurse taking care of a particularly shy female in the gynecology room. Her private physician arrives to see her, but you can see that he is not in a particularly good mood. After much coaxing, the patient agrees to a pelvic exam. How many people will open the door during the exam?
7. An elderly man arrives in the Emergency Department by rescue squad. Twenty minutes later his wife arrives and registers him. She is shown the entrance to the department and slowly shuffles in. How many rooms will she walk into before she finds him?
8. You are assigned to the EENT room. You have a patient to be checked for a peritonsillar abscess. The ENT physician has been paged and expects to arrive in 45 minutes. Three hours later, he arrives and is at the patient’s side, asking for a flashlight. Lightly jogging at 22 miles per hour, how many rooms will you have to search before you find one?
9. You have been asked to cover a coworker’s rooms during her break. One of her patients is an elderly, confused male with an enlarged prostate. A catheter has been inserted and his physician is coming to see him. Somehow he manages to get off the stretcher. The drainage bag is firmly hooked to the side rail. Knowing that the catheter is 16 inches long and the drainage tubing is three feet long, will he be able to reach the door before pulling out the catheter?

# Possible Metric Conversions

Found in a scientist’s trash can:

• 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
• 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
• 365.25 days = 1 Unicycle
• 500 millenaries = 1 seminary
• 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
• 10 cards = 1 decacards
• 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
• 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
• 1000 grams of wet socks = 1 Liter Hosen
• 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
• 2000 British Troops in Ireland = 2 kilohenry
• 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
• 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
• 1 trillion grams of brown marijuana = 1 Terracotta pot
• 1 million billion piccolos = 1 gigolo
• 10 rations = 1 decoration
• 100 rations = 1 C-ration
• 10 millipedes = 1 centipede
• 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
• 10 monologues = 5 dialogues
• 5 dialogues = 1 decalogue
• 2 monograms = 1 diagram
• 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
• 2 baby sitters = 1 gramma grampa

# Useful Conversions

For those who thought the hardest part of Physics 101 was the constant conversion from feet and inches to the metric system, including all its Newtons, Joules, and Watts, here are some other useful conversions:

• Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter
Eskimo Pi
• 2000 pounds of Chinese soup
Won ton
• 1 millionth of a mouthwash
1 microscope
• Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement
1 bananosecond
• Weight an evangelist carries with God
1 billigram
• Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour
Knot-furlong
• 65.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling
1 lite year
• 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone
1 Rod Serling
• Half of a large intestine
1 semicolon
• 1000 aches
1 megahurtz
• Basic unit of laryngitis
1 hoarsepower
• Shortest distance between two jokes
A straight line
• 454 graham crackers
1 pound cake
• 1 million-million microphones
1 megaphone
• 1 million bicycles
2 megacycles
• 2000 mockingbirds
two kilomockingbirds
• 10 cards
1 decacards
• 1 kilogram of falling figs
1 Fig Newton
• 1000 grams of wet socks
1 literhosen
• 1 millionth of a fish
1 microfiche
• 1 trillion pins
1 terrapin
• 10 rations
1 decoration
• 100 rations
1 C-ration
• 2 monograms
1 diagram
• 8 nickels
• 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital
1 I.V. League
• 100 Senators
Not 1 decision.

# A History of Teaching Math

• Teaching Math in 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for \$100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
• Teaching Math in 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for \$100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or \$80. What is his profit?
• Teaching Math in 1970
A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M” of money. The cardinality of set “M” is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set “M.” The set “C”, the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set “M.” Represent the set “C” as a subset of set “M” and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set “P” of profits?
• Teaching Math in 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for \$100. His cost of production is \$80 and his profit is \$20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
• Teaching Math in 1990
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes \$20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question? How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.
• Teaching Math in 1996
By laying off 402 of its loggers, a company improves its stock price from \$80 to \$100. How much capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock options at \$80. Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment.
• Teaching Math in 2000
A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on benefits and when demand for their product is down the logging work force can easily be cut back. The average logger employed by the company earned \$50,000, had 3 weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and medical insurance. The contracted logger charges \$50 an hour. Was outsourcing a good move?
• Teaching Math in 2011
A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the spotted owl is responsible for the absence of loggable trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the company from all federal regulation. What is the return on investment of the lobbying costs?

# Math Homework

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she
heard:

“One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two.”
“Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four.”
“Three and three… “

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher had taught him.

His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny’s classroom and confronted the teacher. Little Johnny’s mother told her about Little Johnny’s different way of doing math and his claims that she taught it that way to the class.

The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn’t understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, she exclaimed, “Oh, I know… here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two.”