Have you heard about the next planned “Survivor” show?
Six men will be dropped on an island with 1 van and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks. Each kid plays two sports AND takes music, dance or lessons on both.
There is no access to fast food.
Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and take care of a pet cat and dog.
The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done: There is only one TV between them and there is no remote.
The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves either while driving or while making four lunches.
They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
The kids vote them off based on performance.
The winner gets to go back to his job.
We understand how busy college students can be this time of year. We hope this form letter will help you keep in touch with your parents. Simply check or fill-in appropriate blanks.
I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.
- Please send:
__ Money (Cash)! Amount: _________________________
__ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ___________
__ Clean clothes!
__ I am in love with myself
__ I am in love!
__ I am engaged
__ I got married last weekend
- My Roommate:
__ Worships the ground I walk on
__ Gave me a black eye
__ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
__ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed???
__ Has fleas
- My Professors are:
__ Sadistic water walkers
__ Mental institution escapees
__ Brain dead nerds
__ Super oxygen thieves
- Latest News:
__ I wrecked the car
__ I can’t use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit
__ You are going to have a grandchild
__ False alarm – you are NOT going to have a grandchild
__ Is great!
__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
__ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals
__ I have gained _____ pounds
__ My roommate is in the hospital with meningitis
__ My HIV test was: (check one) ____ positive ____ negative
__ I died yesterday!
__ I am making all A’s
__ I am not being properly challenged
__ I will be home after this semester
- I study:
__ Night and day
__ All the time
__ 80 hours a week
__ Only on Sunday afternoon
__ None of the above
- Daily Devotions:
__ I read my Bible everyday
__ I can’t read
__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars
- On my last visit home, I left:
__ My glasses
__ My paper that was due yesterday
__ The clothes you washed for me
__ My (girlfriend’s) birth control pills
__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
__ Other _____________________________________________
Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)
__ My white underwear is now _________________
__ I am saving money by not using detergent
__ Don’t worry, I washed my clothes last semester
__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains
- My room:
__ Can pass your “white glove” test
__ Is only _____% full
__ Could not be located last Saturday night
__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training
__ I don’t inhale
__ I only go to meet people
__ Haven’t been to one since this morning
- Hope you:
__ Miss me
__ Can live without me
__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence
__ Your Daughter,
__ Your Son,
Signature (Scribble if Pre-Med or Pre-Law)
Note: Witnesses are not required for your mark (“X”)