We understand how busy college students can be this time of year. We hope this form letter will help you keep in touch with your parents. Simply check or fill-in appropriate blanks.

Date: ______________

Dear Parent(s),

I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

• Please send:
  __ Money (Cash)!       Amount: _________________________
  __ Food (Cookies)!     Dozens: ___________
  __ Clean clothes!
• Relationships:

  __ What?
  __ I am in love with myself
  __ I am in love!
  __ I am engaged
  __ I got married last weekend

• My Roommate:

  __ Worships the ground I walk on
  __ Gave me a black eye
  __ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
  __ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed???
  __ Has fleas

• My Professors are:

  __ Sadistic water walkers
  __ Mental institution escapees
  __ Brain dead nerds
  __ Super oxygen thieves

• Latest News:

  __ I wrecked the car
  __ I can’t use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit
  __ You are going to have a grandchild
  __ False alarm – you are NOT going to have a grandchild

• Food:

  __ Is great!
  __ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
  __ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

• Health:

  __ I have gained _____ pounds
  __ My roommate is in the hospital with meningitis
  __ My HIV test was: (check one) ____ positive ____ negative
  __ I died yesterday!

• Grades:

  __ I am making all A’s
  __ I am not being properly challenged
  __ I will be home after this semester

• I study:

  __ Night and day
  __ All the time
  __ 80 hours a week
  __ Only on Sunday afternoon
  __ None of the above

• Daily Devotions:

  __ I read my Bible everyday
  __ I can’t read
  __ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

• On my last visit home, I left:

  __ My glasses
  __ My paper that was due yesterday
  __ The clothes you washed for me
  __ My (girlfriend’s) birth control pills
  __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
  __ Other _____________________________________________

  Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)

• Laundry:

  __ My white underwear is now _________________
  __ I am saving money by not using detergent
  __ Don’t worry, I washed my clothes last semester
  __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

• My room:

  __ Can pass your “white glove” test
  __ Is only _____% full
  __ Could not be located last Saturday night
  __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

• Parties:

  __ I don’t inhale
  __ I only go to meet people
  __ Haven’t been to one since this morning

• Hope you:

  __ Miss me
  __ Can live without me
  __ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

• Salutation:

  __ Your Daughter,
  __ Your Son,
  __ Yours,

  __________________________________________________
  Signature (Scribble if Pre-Med or Pre-Law)
  Note: Witnesses are not required for your mark (“X”)