News From College

We understand how busy college students can be this time of year. We hope this form letter will help you keep in touch with your parents. Simply check or fill-in appropriate blanks.

Date: ______________

Dear Parent(s),

I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

  • Please send:
    __ Money (Cash)!       Amount: _________________________
    __ Food (Cookies)!     Dozens: ___________
    __ Clean clothes!
  • Relationships:

    __ What?
    __ I am in love with myself
    __ I am in love!
    __ I am engaged
    __ I got married last weekend

  • My Roommate:

    __ Worships the ground I walk on
    __ Gave me a black eye
    __ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
    __ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed???
    __ Has fleas

  • My Professors are:

    __ Sadistic water walkers
    __ Mental institution escapees
    __ Brain dead nerds
    __ Super oxygen thieves

  • Latest News:

    __ I wrecked the car
    __ I can’t use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit
    __ You are going to have a grandchild
    __ False alarm – you are NOT going to have a grandchild

  • Food:

    __ Is great!
    __ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
    __ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

  • Health:

    __ I have gained _____ pounds
    __ My roommate is in the hospital with meningitis
    __ My HIV test was: (check one) ____ positive ____ negative
    __ I died yesterday!

  • Grades:

    __ I am making all A’s
    __ I am not being properly challenged
    __ I will be home after this semester

  • I study:

    __ Night and day
    __ All the time
    __ 80 hours a week
    __ Only on Sunday afternoon
    __ None of the above

  • Daily Devotions:

    __ I read my Bible everyday
    __ I can’t read
    __ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

  • On my last visit home, I left:

    __ My glasses
    __ My paper that was due yesterday
    __ The clothes you washed for me
    __ My (girlfriend’s) birth control pills
    __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
    __ Other _____________________________________________

    Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)

  • Laundry:

    __ My white underwear is now _________________
    __ I am saving money by not using detergent
    __ Don’t worry, I washed my clothes last semester
    __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

  • My room:

    __ Can pass your “white glove” test
    __ Is only _____% full
    __ Could not be located last Saturday night
    __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

  • Parties:

    __ I don’t inhale
    __ I only go to meet people
    __ Haven’t been to one since this morning

  • Hope you:

    __ Miss me
    __ Can live without me
    __ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

  • Salutation:

    __ Your Daughter,
    __ Your Son,
    __ Yours,

    Signature (Scribble if Pre-Med or Pre-Law)
    Note: Witnesses are not required for your mark (“X”)