Things that Would Change if Microsoft Built Cars

  • A particular year’s model would not be available for at least 2 years until after it was scheduled to go into production.
  • Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
  • Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you would have to restart it. For some bizarre reason, you accept this.
  • You couldn’t have more than one person in the car unless you purchased a CarXP or Car NT, and then you would have to buy extra seats.
  • Linux would build a car that ran on water, was twice as reliable, and 10 times as fast, but would only run on 5% of the roads.
  • The oil, gas, alternator and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single “General Car Fault” light.
  • People would be excited about the ‘new’ features in Microsoft cars, forgetting that these features had been available in other cars a decade ago.
  • We’d all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.
  • The US Government would GET subsidies from Auto Manufacturers instead of GIVING them.
  • New seats would force everyone to get the same size butt!

Ways Life Would Change If Men Got Pregnant

  • Maternity leave would last two years…with full pay!
  • There’d be a cure for stretch marks.
  • Natural childbirth would become obsolete. {Eg: You want me to push this through WHAT?!!}
  • Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s No. 1 health problem.
  • All methods of birth control would be improved to 100% effectiveness.
  • Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet-trained and over the “Terrible Twos.”
  • Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
  • They wouldn’t think twins were quite so cute.
  • Fathers would demand that their sons be home from dates by 10 p.m.
  • Men could use their briefcases as diaper bags.
  • They’d stay in bed for the entire nine months.
  • Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree.
  • Women would rule the world.