Winders eXP – Alabama Edition

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of Windows eXP may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS eXP with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol’ Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and CDs are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Other features:
Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

A few terms may need translation:

  • OK – ats aww-right
  • cancel – hail no
  • reset – aw shoot
  • yes – shore
  • no – Naaaa
  • find – hunt-fer it
  • go to – over yonder
  • back – back yonder
  • help – hep me out here
  • stop – ternit off
  • start – crank it up
  • settings – sittins
  • programs – stuff at does stuff
  • documents – stuff I done done

Also note that Winders eXP does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Winders eXP:
  • tiperiter – A word processor
  • colering book – a graphics program
  • addin mershene – calculator
  • outhouse paper – notepad
  • jupe-box – CD Player
  • iner-net – Internet Explorer
  • pichers – A graphics viewer
  • IRS – M/S accounting software
  • IRS2 – M/S accounting software with hidden files
  • coon dog – American kennel club records
  • fishin – Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records
  • NRA – National Rifle Association
  • shot gun – Remington Arms price list
  • riffel – Winchester price list
  • pisstel – Smith & Wesson price list
  • truck – Ford and Chevrolet dealers in AL by zip code
  • house – Nearest mobile home repair service by zip code
  • car – same as truck just need two lists in Alabama
  • cuzzins – family history usually a 3 meg file
  • tax records – usually an empty file
  • shells – ammunition inventory another 3 meg file
  • bud – list of Budweiser dealers by zip code
  • rasin – NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race
  • car n truck parts – nearest Junk yard by zip code
  • doc – veterinarians by zip code