Arachnoleptic Fit
(n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug
(n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 am in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Bozone
(n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Caterpallor
(n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
Cashtration
(n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Decaflon
(n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Dopelar Effect
(n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
Extraterrestaurant
(n.) An eating place where you feel you’ve been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry.
Faunacated
(adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal of many species.
Grantartica
(n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding.
Hemaglobe
(n.) The bloody state of the world.
Intaxication
(n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Kinstirpation
(n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.
Lullabuoy
(n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.
Reintarnation
(n.) Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Karmageddon
(n.)It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like a serious bummer.
Sarchasm
(n.)The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.