Great for those Email Signatures

• A neat desk is the sign of a sick mind.
• All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
• All roads lead to Amber.
• All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
• All the world’s an analog stage, and digital circuits play only bit parts.
• All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
• Amateur Time Lord.
• American Non-Sequitor Society – we don’t make sense, but we do like pizza.
• Anarcho-Paladin Anarchy – It’s not the law, it’s just a good idea.
• Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
• Are we having fun yet?
• Artificial Intelligence
• Ask a silly person, get a silly answer.
• ASK ME … I’m shy.
• Assassins do it from behind.
• The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
• Avoid cliches like the plague … they’re a dime a dozen.
• Back off, man … I’m a scientist!
• BACK RUBS (Given with pleasure, received with ecstasy.
• Ban the bomb … Save the world for conventional warfare.
• Be yourself … It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it.
• Beam me up, Scotty … it ate my phaser!
• Beam me up, Scotty … the elevators don’t work.
• Beam me up, Scotty … there’s no intelligent life here.
• The beauty of a pun is in the “Oy!” of the beholder.
• Being weird isn’t enough.
• Berserkers do it without thinking.
• Better dead than mellow.
• Better living through alchemy.
• Beware! I’m armed and have pre-menstrual tension!
• Beware of Quantam Ducks! Quark! Quark! Quark!
• Bill the Cat Fan Club
• Black holes are where God is dividing by zero.
• Bombs don’t kill people … explosions kill people.
• Born to be cuddled.
• Born to shop.
• Built for comfort, not for speed.
• Bureaucrats cut red tape … lengthwise!
• Busydo … the way of the shrub. Bonsai!
• “C” combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language.
• Caffiend!
• Calm down … it’s only ones and zeros.
• Caution … Contents under pressure.
• Cuation: Hungry Dieter … may bite if provoked.
• Certified Public Assassin
• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
• COBOL sucks, Pascal bytes, and assembly is a bits.
• Conquering Russia is a steppe by steppe process.
• Cthulu Cthucks
• Cthulu for President – if you’re tired of choosing the lesser of two evils.
• Death before dishonor, but neither before breakfast.
• Delight and amaze me!
• The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
• Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
• Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for it makes them soggy and hard to light.
• Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
• DON’T BUILD MORE NUKES … until we’ve used the ones we have.
• Don’t get even … get odd!
• Don’t hate yourself in the morning … sleep til noon.
• Don’t just stare at me … fantasize!
• Dragonriders do it in between.
• Dreamers build castles in the air, psychotics live in them, psychologists collect the rent. Pessimists build dungeons in the air.
• Dyslexics have more fnu!
• Dyslexics untie! Together we can trip up the world!
• Eat the rich … the poor are tough and stringy.
• Entropy isn’t what it used to be.
• Entropy requires no maintenance.
• Even barbarians like chocolate chip cookies.
• Every silver lining has a cloud.
• Everyone was born right-handed. Only the greatest overcome it.
• Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
• Excuse me while I change into something more formidable.
• Feline Sapiens
• The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny.
• 43% of all statistics are worthless.
• Go, lemmings, go!
• Good Morning is a contradiction in terms.
• Graduate of the Mad Max School of Defensive Driving
• Happiness is a TARDIS with a working dematerialization circuit.
• Happiness is the Planet Earth in your rear view mirror.
• Hard work may not kill me, but why take chances?
• Have a nice day somewhere else.
• Have an adequate day.
• Have an illuminated day.
• Have TARDIS, will travel.
• Have you hugged your dragon today?
• Hedonist for hire … no job too easy.
• Heralds don’t pun … they cant.
• He’s dead, Jim. Of course he’s dead … I killed him.
• Hollow chocolate has no calories.
• Human beings don’t live like this.
• I am not a trained killer … I lead trained killers.
• I am not conceited … I just can’t stand mortals.
• I am the mother of all things, and all things must wear a sweater.
• I can’t be late … I just got here.
• I don’t have to take this abuse from you … I’ve got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me.
• I don’t have ulcers … I give them.
• I don’t like violence, but I’m very good at it.
• I don’t suffer from insanity … I revel in it.
• I have a mind like a steel seive.
• I have not lost my mind … it’s backed up on disk somewhere.
• I know it all. I just can’t remember it all at once.
• I know karate, kung fu, and 47 other dangerous words.
• I never spit in your drink, why do you smoke in my air?
• I used to be amused … now I’m just bored.
• I used to be disgusted … now I’m just amused.
• I used to be sane, but I got better.
• I used to get high on life, but I’ve built up a tolerance.
• I warn you not to underestimate my powers.
• If all else fails … lower your standards.
• If at first you don’t succeed … change the rules.
• If God hadn’t wanted me to be paranoid, He wouldn’t have given me such a vivid imagination.
• If guns are outlawed, how shall we shoot the liberals?
• If it has syntax, it isn’t user friendly.
• If puns were deli meat, this would be the wurst.
• If there is anything in this universe more important than my ego, I want it taken out and shot right immediately!
• If we were meant to fly, we wouldn’t keep loosing our luggage.
• If you can’t dress weird, why dress at all?
• If you can’t say something nice, say something surrealistic.
• If you’re going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance.
• If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
• If you’re right 90% of the time, why quibble over the remaining 3%?
• I’m a citizen of the universe and a gentleman to boot.
• I’m apathetic and I don’t care.
• I’m feeling argumentative … please contradict me.
• I’m never late … nothing starts without me.
• I’m not a mercenary … killing is more of a hobby with me.
• I’m not breaking the rules … I’m just testing their elasticity.
• I’m not irresponsible … I’m out of control.
• I’m not loafing … I work so fast I’m always finished.
• I’m not tense, just terribly alert.
• I’m not unemployed … I’m looking for the perfect job.
• I’m sorry, but a unicorn doesn’t work like a mule.
• I’m sorry, my karma just ran over your dogma.
• Immanuel doesn’t pun … he Kant.
• Implementing systems is 95% boredom and 5% sheer terror.
• In your heart you know it’s flat.
• Incorrigible punster … Do not incorrige.
• Incorrigible Romantic
• Indecision is the basis of flexability.
• Insanity is hereditary … you get it from your kids.
• It is better to remain silent and thought a fool then to speak up and remove all doubt.
• It’s a small world, but I’d hate to have to paint it.
• It’s hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution.
• It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.
• It’s not a bug … It’s an undocumented feature.
• It’s not a dungeon … It’s a fortified underground defense installation.
• It’s not whether you win or lose … it’s how you place the blame.
• It’s not my fault.
• It’s not the principle of the thing … it’s the money.
• It’s you and me against the world … when do we attack?
• I’ve been seduced by the chocolate side of the Force.
• I’ve enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
• It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.
• I’ve had fun before … this isn’t it.
• Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
• Kamikaze chemist
• Keeping freedom safe from democracy.
• Kiss me. I’m not Irish, but don’t let that stop you.
• Knowing Murphy’s Law won’t help either.
• Ladies’ Sewing Circle and Terrorist Society
• League of Bloodthirsty Women
• Lefties are better lovers.
• Let me control a planet’s oxygen supply, and I don’t care who makes the laws.
• Lethargy in Motion
• Let’s split up … we can do more damage that way.
• Life isn’t always fair, but it shouldn’t cheat that much.
• The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
• Live now … procrastinate tomorrow!
• The meek will inherit the earth … the rest of us will go to the stars.
• Mercifully Free of the Ravages of Intelligence
• A mind is a wonderful thing to waste.
• Mobile non-smoking area.
• Mostly harmless.
• Murphy was an optimist!
• Murphy’s Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it.
• My back is computerized … it has a floppy disk.
• My life may be strange, but at least it’s not boring.
• My mind is made up … don’t confuse me with the facts.
• Nasty, Brutish and Short
• Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
• Never confuse endurance with hospitality.
• Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
• Never make anything simple and efficient when it can be complex and wonderful.
• Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
• Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
• Never tell me the odds … numbers confuse me.
• Never try to teach a pig to sing … It only wastes your time and annoys the pig.
• No one ever built a statue to a critic.
• Not Quite Human Any Longer
• Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
• Now is not a good time to annoy me.
• Nuke the Smurfs
• Nuke the Whales
• Nuke ’em from orbit … it’s the only way to be sure.
• Nuke ’em till they glow, then shoot ’em in the dark.
• Oh, no … not another learning experience.
• One day I shall burst my bud of calm and blossom forth into hysteria.
• 186,000 miles per second … It’s not just a good idea … it’s the law.
• One Step Beyond The Night Gallery into The Outer Limits of The Twilight Zone.
• Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies two to one.
• Peace through superior firepower.
• Peace through superior swordplay.
• Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity.
• Please do not look into laser with remaining eyeball.
• Poets make better lays.
• Possessor of a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
• Pound for pound, the ameoba is the most vicious animal on earth.
• Prepare for the future … Read Science Fiction.
• Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
• Rampaging Anarchist Horde and Floating Beer Party
• Real Daleks don’t climb stairs … they level the building.
• Real men write self-modifying code.
• Real programmers don’t document … If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
• Reality is a crutch for people who cannot deal with Science Fiction.
• Remember … there’s more to life then Science Fiction, but not much.
• Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!
• Scottish country dancers are reel people.
• League of Pushy Women. Self-Appointed Chapter Head.
• Serenity through viciousness.
• Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up! Push down! Byte! Byte! Byte!
• The shortest distance between two points has a bridge out.
• The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line.
• Shredded Disaster is Murphy Slaw
• Science is true … don’t be misled by facts.
• Smurf Exterminator
• So many books, so little time.
• Spending A Year Ahead For Tax Purposes
• Squint when you approach me, lest you be blinded by my beauty.
• Success is acheiving the top of the food chain.
• Suffering the Inhumanity of Regular Employment
• Support Free Trade … Smuggle!
• Support your local thieve’s guild … Leave your doors unlocked.
• Take me drunk … I’m home again.
• Teacher From The Black Lagoon
• Terminator … the few, the proud, the machines.
• Thank you for not breathing while I smoke.
• The less you bother me, the sooner we’ll get results.
• There are very few personal problems that can’t be solved by the suitable application of high explosives.
• There are many intelligent species in the universe … they are all owned by cats.
• There are only 2,000 real people in the world; the rest are bad special effects.
• There’s never time to do it right … there’s always time to do it over.
• There’s no need to do housework. After four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.
• They’ll take my sword away when they pry my cold, dead fingers off the hilt.
• Think “HONK” if you’re a telepath.
• This is no ordinary fool you’re dealing with.
• Those who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music.
• Those whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC.
• To iterate is human, to recurse divine.
• Today is the first day of the rest of your sentence.
• UFO’s are real … the Air Force is swamp gas!
• Unicorns aren’t mythical … virgins are!
• The universe does not have laws … it has habits and habits can be broken.
• Until you walk a mile in someone’s moccasins, you cannot imagine the smell.
• Uppity Women Unite!
• User Hostile
• User Surly
• A VAX is virtually a computer, but not quite.
• Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 1990-1951
• Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
• Warning: This person reads fantasy and is an avid denier of reality.
• The way to a man’s heart is with a broadsword.
• We both have the same problem … you!
• Weirdness magnet
• What does a sacred chao say? MU!
• What’s the point of being fascinatingly crazy if you don’t enrich the world with it?
• What’s the good of being grown up if you can’t be childish?
• When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish.
• Why are elves chaotic? Brownian motion.
• Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?
• Why can’t you be unique and original like everybody else?
• Windows, and Icons, and Mice! Oh, my!
• Woad Warrior
• Worst-dressed sentient being in the universe.
• Would it save you some time if I just gave up and went mad now?
• Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank piece of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.
• You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to swim on his back, you’ve got something.
• You know, just once I’d like to meet an alien menace that wasn’t immune to bullets.
• Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency.
• Your silliness has been noted.
• Your not the only one who thinks I don’t know what I’m doing.
• YUMMIE Young Upwardly Mobile Mutant