More Bumper Stickers

  • My karma ran over your dogma.
  • Friends don’t let friends drive naked.
  • If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
  • Caution! Driver’s applying make-up
  • CAUTION : Driver Singing
  • The kids drive me crazy, I drive them everywhere
  • Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?
  • FORGET ABOUT WORLD PEACE…VISUALIZE USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL
  • If you think I’m a lousy driver, wait until you see me putt
  • Hang up and drive
  • I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
  • Evacuate the road!!! STUDENT driving!!
  • It was only a lane change!
  • I drive this way just to piss you off.
  • Go on speeding, we’ll cut you out (of your car) — Your Fire Dept.
  • Go on, I’ll see you at the next traffic light.
  • Get in. Sit down. Shut up. Hang on.
  • Caution I swerve and hit people at random.
  • So many pedestrians, so little time.

Bumper Snickers

  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
  • All generalizations are false.
  • All men are idiots, and I married their King.
  • Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
  • Born free…Taxed to death.
  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • Cover me. I’m changing lanes.
  • Driver carries no cash. He’s married
  • Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
  • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  • Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • Forget about World Peace…Visualize using your turn signal.
  • Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
  • He who hesitates is probably right.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Hit me, I need the money!
  • Horn broken. Watch for finger.
  • How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
  • HUG A LOGGER–you’ll never go back to trees
  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
  • I brake for no apparent reason.
  • I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  • I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
  • I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
  • I love cats…they taste just like chicken..
  • i souport publik edekashun.
  • I thought about being born again, but my mother refused.
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
  • If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.
  • I’m happily married – but my wife isn’t.
  • I’m out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?
  • It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
  • It wasn’t actually a divorce – I was traded.
  • Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
  • Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control.
  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
  • Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • Montana — At least our cows are sane!
  • Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
  • Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
  • Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
  • Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
  • Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
  • Real women don’t have hot flashes, they have power surges.
  • Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
  • Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
  • SUPPORT BINGO–keep Grandma off the streets
  • Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
  • Tell me to ‘stuff it’ – I’m a taxidermist.
  • The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
  • The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  • The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  • The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
  • Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
  • Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
  • Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  • We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
  • When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  • Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  • Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
  • Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.

Adult Bumper Stickers

  • Constipated People Don’t Give A Crap.
  • Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
  • If You Don’t Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
  • Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
  • If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
  • Thank You For Pot Smoking.
  • Impotence: Nature’s Way Of Saying “No Hard Feelings”.
  • If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer.
  • The Earth Is Full – Go Home
  • I Have The Body Of A God… Buddha
  • This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren’t Happening To Me
  • Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
  • If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
  • The Face Is Familiar But I Can’t Quite Remember My Name
  • Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
  • Illiterate? Write For Help
  • Honk If Anything Falls Off
  • He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
  • Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
  • It’s Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
  • I Haven’t Lost My Mind, It’s Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
  • If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off (Motorcycle)
  • If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You’re Doing It Wrong…
  • Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
  • If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like JabbaThe Hut?
  • Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
  • Ax Me About Ebonics
  • Boldly Going Nowhere
  • Cat: The Other White Meat
  • Caution – Driver Legally Blonde!
  • Don’t Be Sexist – Broads Hate That
  • Heart Attacks… God’s Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
  • Honk If You’ve Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
  • How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
  • If You Can’t Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
  • Saw It… Wanted It… Had A Fit… Got It!
  • What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit Bull

Still More Bumper Stickers

  • Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
  • Support Cannibalism-EAT ME!
  • God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
  • I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
  • I wasn’t born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
  • Taxation WITH representation ain’t so fucking hot, either!
  • Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
  • 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it’s an amusement park.
  • EARTH FIRST! We’ll stripmine the other planets later.
  • Your child may be an honor student but you’re still an idiot.
  • If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
  • Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
  • My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her …or something like that.
  • Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
  • If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy.
  • Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!

Actual Bumper Stickers

  • Horn broken.
  • Watch for finger.
  • Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.
  • All generalizations are false.
  • Cover me. I’m changing lanes.
  • I brake for no apparent reason.
  • Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control.
  • I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
  • Forget about World Peace…Visualize using your turn signal.
  • We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
  • It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
  • Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
  • I love cats…they taste just like chicken.
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
  • Born free…Taxed to death.
  • The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
  • Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
  • Rehab is for quitters.
  • I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
  • All men are idiots, and I married their King.
  • Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
  • Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
  • Montana — At least our cows are sane!
  • I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
  • If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.
  • When you do a good deed, get a receipt–in case heaven is like the IRS.
  • Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.
  • No radio – Already stolen.
  • Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
  • Real women don’t have hot flashes, they have power surges.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  • Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  • OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
  • Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
  • I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
  • Tell me to ‘stuff it’ – I’m a taxidermist.
  • IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
  • Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
  • It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  • According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
  • Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
  • Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  • Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
  • How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
  • Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
  • Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
  • Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  • Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
  • Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
  • i souport publik edekashun.
  • Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
  • There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
  • Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
  • Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
  • Keep honking…I’m reloading.
  • Caution: I drive like you do.