- I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
- I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
- I will get dressed before noon.
- I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
- I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
- I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
- I will read a book…if I still remember how.
- I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
- I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
- I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
- I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
- Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime…and the Web will always be there tomorrow!
Category Archives: Computers
The Twelve Bugs of Christmas
For the first bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me
See if they can do it again.
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the third bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the fourth bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the fifth bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the sixth bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the seventh bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the eighth bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me:
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
For the ninth bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me:
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the tenth bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me:
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the eleventh bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me :
Say it’s not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the twelfth bug of Christmas, my manager
said to me:
Tell them it’s a feature
Say it’s not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
The Ten Commandments of DOS
- I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom.
- Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network,multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack.
- Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don’t need that much space anyway.
- Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it’s ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.
- Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out.
- Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed.
- Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0.
- Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe four years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof.
- Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you’re at it, don’t try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either.
- Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn’t occur in the first place.