- You had a polka band instead of a string quartet at your wedding reception.
- You own a cheese-head or necktie. And have worn it in public. At Lambeau Field or Milwaukee County Stadium.
- You say “Ja hey dere once, eh?” more than once a day.
- You get offended by “Sven and Olie” jokes.
- You could polka before you could walk.
- You went to Sheboygan for your honeymoon.
- You have flipped off a F.I.B. more than twice in the last week.
- Your favorite food is hotdish.
- You flew your flag at half mast for a week after the great Oscar Meyer fire of ’91.
- “Second Week in Deer Camp” brings a tear to your eye.
- You do it doggie-style in winter so you and your partner can both keep watching the hockey game.
- You know more than 17 different ways to cook brats.
- Your mother gave you Leinie’s rather than milk in your baby bottle.
- You have a gnome or a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
- You get withdrawal symptoms after three days without green jello.
- You have ever tipped a cow. When sober.
- You have ever eaten an entire Hillshire Farms Christmas gift pack in one sitting.
- You drink from a bubbler.
- You have ever bowled more than 10 consecutive games.
- You have memorized every line from “Strange Brew.”
- You appeared at Lambeau field wearing only a g-string and green paint.
- You are related to the National Sheepshead Champion.
- Your family pet is named “Bossie”.
- You have ever had a date with Ms. Dairyland 20xx.
- You had your wedding reception at a bowling alley.
- You own the CD of “25 Great Accordian Hits”. And can play along with it.
- Laverne and Shirley are your all-time heros.
- You have ever been mistaken for a Yooper.
- You seldom can remember the week after Oktoberfest.
- You considered suicide after Paul Molitor got traded.
- You have ever worn a bowling shirt with your name embroidered on it to church.
- You have ever spent more than 72 consecutive hours in an ice-fishing hut.
- You have ordered pizza with sauerkraut on it (more than once.)
- Mobile Home Color:
____ Two-tone, Brown and White
____ Two-tone, Pink and White
____ Faded Green
- Daddy: (if unknown, attach list of three suspects):
_______________ ______________ _____________
- Mama: _____________
- Neck Shade
____ Light Red
____ Medium Red
____ Dark Red
- Number of teeth in exposed full grin
- Model of pickup truck:__________
Size of tires: _____________
- ____ Number of beer cans on floor of pickup truck
- Truck equipped with:
____ Gun Rack
____ Mud Flaps
____ Camper Top
____ Air Horn
____ American Flag
____ 4-W Drive
____ Fuzz Buster
____ Roll Bar
____ Load of wood
____ Mud Tires
____ Deer poaching spot light
____ Playboy emblem hanging from rearview mirror
____ Woman’s garter hanging from rearview mirror
____ Pine tree air freshener hanging from rearview mirror
- Bumper Stickers
____ Honk if You’re Horny
____ *uck ’em Bucky
____ Almost Heaven, Hayward
____ Where the Hell is Rhinelander?
____ Feminazis for Kohl
____ Wisconsin State Bird: Mosquito
____ Ducks Unlimited
____ Walleyes Unlimited
____ Tommy Bartlett Water Show
____ Nuke Illinois
____ Eat Cheese or Die
____ Cheddarheads for Bush
____ You’ll Get My Gun When You Pry My Cold Dead Fingers From Around The Barrel
____ The Pack is Back (on bumper since 1973)
- Favorite Meal:
____ Anything fried in lard
____ Pickled pigs feet
____ Bratwurst and Old Milwaukee
____ Venison sausage and Old Milwaukee
____ Cheesecurds and Old Milwaukee
____ Green bean and mushroom soup casserole
____ Slim Jims and lime Jell-o
- Favorite Music:
____ Country Western
____ Anything played by an accordian
- Favorite Recreation:
____ Deer Huntin
____ Fishin with live bait
____ Watching Green Acres reruns
____ Deer huntin while drinking
____ Snowmobilin while drinking
____ Fishin with live bait while drinking
____ Watchin Green Acres while drinking
- Favorite Weapon:
____ Ice auger
____ Chain saw
____ Tire iron
- Favorite Fragrance:
____ Wet dogs
____ Old Milwaukee
____ Minnow bucket
____ Frying Spam
____ Diesel fuel
____ A paper mill on a hot day in August
____ Fish guts after a week in the trash (in the garage) in August
____ Any scent eminating from a bodily orifice
- Favorite Cap Emblem:
____ Old Milwaukee
____ John Deere
____ Point Beer
____ Old Fart
____ Old Style
- Favorite Reading:
____ Fishing Facts
____ TV Guide
____ Beer Bottle Labels
____ Guns & Ammo
____ Today’s Mercenary
____ Polka Digest
____ Aryan Review
____ Welfare Application
____ Sports Illustrated (swimsuit edition only)
- ____ Length of Right Leg:
____ Length of Left Leg
- Things in Your Front Yard:
____ Various kitchen appliances
____ Piles of split wood
____ Cars on blocks
____ Dismantled snowmobiles
____ Dog run with all the grass worn away down to rock hard dirt
____ Broken, metal frame, screen gazebo
____ Deer hanging from tree limb–in season
____ Deer Hanging from tree limb–out of season
____ Wood cut-out of bent over woman
- When was your last sighting of Elvis?:
- Do you wear mostly polyester pant with snags?:
- Do you own any shoes? (not counting boots):
- Are you married to any of the following:
____ Cousin’s sister
- Can you beat your wife at arm wrestling?
- Typical Greeting:
____ Good Morning, dere
____ Dem Packers is playing like a buncha old women
____ Dem Brewers is playing like a buncha old women
____ Dem Badgers is playing like a buncha old women
____ Dem Bucks is playing like a buncha old women
____ Dey should take da whole buncha dem Madison liberals and queers and line em up and shoot em.
____ Dey should just let dem Indians spear dose idiots at the DNR
____ Ya, hey
- Favorite Tavern Name:
____ County Trunk Bar
____ Dew Drop Inn
____ Deer Drop Inn
____ Deer Droppings Inn
____ LakeSide Supper Club
____ LakeView Supper Club
____ LakeWood Supper Club
____ PineSide Supper Club
____ PineView Supper Club
____ PineWood Supper Club
- Favorite Automobile:
____ ’67 Ford Galaxy
____ ’67 Ford Galaxy with transmission
____ ’67 Ford Galaxy with ’73 Chevy Impala transmission
____ ’67 Ford Galaxy with ’73 Chevy Impala transmission and ’71 Buick LeSabre engine
- Farthest Point South Ever Traveled:
____ County Trunk GG
____ County Trunk CC
____ County Trunk Bar
____ An ice shanty on the Flambeau Flowage
- Most Memorable Event You’ve Ever Attended
____ Minocqua Moose Call Competition
____ Phelps Mister Potato Carnival
____ Gleason Grouse Mating Gala
____ Herbster Jaycees Seagull Doo-Doo Days
____ Lake Tomahawk Crew Cut Championships
____ Omega Outboard Motor Repair Finals
____ Spread Eagle International Proctologists Convention
____ Chetek Carp Queen Beauty Contest and Carp Cuisine Cook-Off
____ Eagle River Shout-Off for the Deaf (held week after the snowmobile races)
Your Signature (an X will do): ________________________________