Santa Pickup Lines

  • Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
  • Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
  • I’ve got something special in the sack for you!
  • Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
  • I know when you’ve been bad or good–so let’s skip the small talk, sister!
  • Some of my best toys run on batteries…
  • Interested in seeing the “North Pole”? (Well, that’s what the Mrs. calls it…)
  • I see you when you`re sleeping–and you don`t wear any underwear, do you?
  • Screw the “nice” list–I`ve got you on my “naughty” list!
  • Wanna join the “Mile High” club?

Austin Powers Pick-up Lines from “Gold Member”

  • I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.
  • (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let’s get you out of those wet clothes.
  • Nice legs… What time do they open?
  • Do you work for the post office? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
  • You’ve got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
  • Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
  • I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I’m the only one talking to you.
  • I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed thrasher, have you seen one?
  • I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
  • Wanna play army? I’ll lie down and you can blow the hell outta me.
  • I’d really like to see how you look when I’m naked.
  • You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
  • You must be the limp doctor because I’ve got a stiffy.
  • I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
  • If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
  • (Look down at your crotch) Well, it’s not just going to suck itself.
  • You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.
  • You, Me, Whipped cream and Handcuffs. Any questions?
  • Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
  • My name is ( )…remember that, you’ll be screaming it later.
  • Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
  • Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
  • I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
  • Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
  • Do you wash your pants in Mr Sheen because I can see myself in them?

Drill Sergeant Pick-up Lines

  • “You make me hornier before 9 AM than most people do all day!”
  • “What’s a pathetic weak piece of @#$%*! like you doing in a !&%#@$ dump like this??”
  • “Drop trou and give me 20!”
  • “Care to accompany me on a quiet, romantic, moonlit beach for a 5-mile hike and a hundred push-ups?”
  • “Soldier, I’m admiring your strategic frontal mammary tissue mounds, two each.”
  • “Remember ‘An Officer and a Gentleman’? I’m neither, baby.”
  • “The penalty for being out of uniform is a spanking.”
  • “Wanna know why I’m called a ‘drill’ sergeant?”
  • “Drop and give me 69!”
  • “Baby, you put the ‘fox’ in ‘foxhole’.”
  • “You’ll only have to give me one pushup soldier, if it’s your bra.”
  • “Your perfume reminds me of napalm in the morning.”
  • “Drop and give me 20 — on my lap.”
  • “Wanna help me get an ‘honorable discharge’?”
  • “Uncle Sam ain’t the only one who wants you.”

Comebacks to Pick-up Lines

  • Man: “Haven’t we met before?”
    Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.”
  • Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?”
    Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”
  • The most memorable rebuttal to a turn down (used by the guy who used to live
    across the hall from me in residence) when he asked girl to dance and she refused:
    Man: “Want to dance?”
    Woman: “No, thank you.”
    Man: “Don’t thank me, thank God somebody asked you.”
  • Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
    Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”
    Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
    Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”
  • Man: “So what do you do for a living?”
    Woman: “Female impersonator.”
  • And here’s one including the correct snappy return.
    Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
    Woman: “Unfertilized.”
  • A girlfriend of mine once had a graying man in his 60’s approach her in a club
    while she was in college with the line, “Where have you been all my life?” She took one glance at him and said, “For the first half of it, I probably
    wasn’t born yet.”
  • A friend of mine came up with a very quick response over vacation. We were
    walking down the street and I glanced at a girl who had just walked by. She turned around and said to me, “What are you looking at?” My friend, walking next to me came to the rescue, “He thought you were good looking, but he was mistaken.”

Prison Pick-Up Lines

  • “Interested in serving HARD time?”
  • “Damn, you are sexy in stripes.”
  • “Don’t you prefer dropping bar soap instead of that liquid crap?”
  • “Is that a zip-gun carefully carved out of a piece of discarded metal found on the floor of the prison license-plate manufacturing shop in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”
  • “You know, normally I don’t give in the first 30 seconds, but I guess I’m a sucker for sheer muscle mass.”
  • “Nice teeth. They’d look so much better on my the floor of my cell.”
  • “Who wants to marry a multiple murderer?”
  • “I’ve been watching you from across the yard for awhile now, and I knew if I didn’t work up the courage to just walk over here and ask you to be my bitch, I might regret it for the rest of my life.”
  • “Due to a recent execution, I now have an opening for my prison bitch.”
  • “Bread, water or me?”
  • “Stop by my cell later for a Lethal Injection.”
  • “Hold still while I staple this centerfold to the back of your head.”
  • “Did you order the Soap Drop soup?”
  • “That orange jumpsuit really brings out the red in your freshly-healed knife wound.”
  • “Cinemax3 is doing another one of those Women In Prison movies soon…Wanna audition in my cell?”
  • “Wanna attend a chain gang bang?”
  • “Care to give Prisoner Johnson a weekend furlough?”
  • “You’re new here… let me debrief you and introduce you to the penal system.”
  • “You look even better in person than you did on America’s Most Wanted.”
  • “If looks could kill, you’d get 25 to life.”
  • “You’re getting your GED… wow, that makes me so H.O.T.!!”
  • “Is your name ‘Escape Tunnel’? Because I’ve been digging you all night.”

Computer Geek Pick-Up Lines

  • Nice Set of Floppies!
  • Hey, how ’bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.
  • I’d like to play on your laptop.
  • Need me to unzip your files?
  • If you were an ISP I’d dial you all day long
  • I’d like to boot up your PC !
  • I’ll bet my hard drive is the biggest you’ve ever seen.
  • I’ve got a 21 inch… (monitor)
  • I’d get a T3 to watch your streaming video…
  • Your homepage or mine?