- Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to get into their pews or their favorite church parking spot.
- Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
- It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
- We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers.
- When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there.
- People are funny. They want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and the back of the church.
- Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your door for years.
- Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.
- The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: “And in conclusion.”
- If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
- Not only are the sins of the fathers visited upon the children, but nowadays the sins of the children are visited upon the fathers.
- God Himself does not propose to judge a man till he’s dead. So why should you?
- To make a long story short, don’t tell it.
- If your left hand doesn’t know what your right one is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington.
- Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
- I don’t know why some people change churches. What difference does it make which one you stay home from?
- A lot of church members are singing “Standing on the Promises” while they are just sitting on the premises.
- The patient furthest away from the nurses’ station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses’ station.
- You always remember “just one more thing” you need after you’ve gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.
- The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.
- When you cancel extra staff because it’s so quiet, you are guaranteed a rash of admissions.
- If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on. Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand new shoes.
- There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work.
- When management smiles at you, be afraid, very afraid …
- Staffing will gladly send you three aides–but you have to float two of your RNs.
- As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.
- Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you’ve had the night from hell and just want to go home to bed.
- You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room. You always remember when you get back to the other end …
- Doctors only ask your name when the patient isn’t doing well.
- Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the boss is watching.
- The more sophisticated the equipment, the longer it takes to get repaired.
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- As soon as you’ve ordered the pizzas, 25 patients show up at the ER registration desk along with three ambulances all with cardiac arrests!
- A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
- A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
- A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
- A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.
- Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing home.
- God invented mothers because he couldn’t be everywhere at once.
- Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
- Having children will turn you into your parents.
- If a child looks like his father, that’s heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that’s environment.
- If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
- It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
- It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they’ll know as little as their parents.
- Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
- Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.
- You can learn many things from children… like how much patience you have.
- Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
- The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
- There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
- Those who say they “sleep like a baby” haven’t got one.
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