Tag Archives: New Hampshire

You Know You’re From New Hampshire When…

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  • you only own three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup
  • you design your Halloween costumes to fit over snow suits
  • the mosquitoes have landing lights
  • the men are men, and so are the women
  • you have more miles on your snow blower than your car
  • you have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat
  • you thought “Grumpy Old Men” was a documentary
  • The snowmobile outlet on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas
  • you live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one meter above the ground
  • driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow
  • you think everyone from the city has an accent
  • you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons
  • you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car
  • the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun
  • your snow blower gets stuck on the roof
  • you think the start of moose season is a national holiday
  • you frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won’t prowl on your deck
  • you know which leaves make good toilet paper
  • you find -40C a might chilly
  • the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer
  • you know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Not Winter and Almost Winter
  • shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout

Application for Permission to Live in New Hampshire

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NAME: _______________________________

  1. Ethnic Information: (voluntary)
    ____White

  2. Type of Cars Owned:
    ____Pickup Truck

  3. You don’t own any Foreign cars, do you?
    ____NO

  4. Car Equipment:
    ____Gun Rack
    ____Stash
    ____CB
    ____Beer Holder
    ____Playboy air freshener

  5. Bumper Stickers:
    ____”Ex-wife in trunk”
    ____”If Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Guns”
    ____”Romney/Ryan”
    ____”Shit Happens”
    ____”If you don’t like my driving, get off the sidewalk”

  6. Sexual Orientation:
    ____Heterosexual

  7. Favorite Cause:
    ____NRA
    ____Prolife
    Total given to these causes in the last 12 months: ________________

  8. Favorite Drugs:
    ____Grass

  9. Seasonings used on Food:
    ____Ketchup
    ____Salt

  10. Which of the Following Should be Banned?: (check all that apply)
    ____Democrats
    ____Welfare
    ____N.O.W.

  11. Favorite Beer:
    ____Miller
    ____Michelob
    ____Bud

  12. Favorite Politician:
    ____Don’t Care

  13. Club Memberships:
    ____NRA

  14. How Many Automatic Weapons do you own?
    ____5
    ____10
    ____More than that

  15. Favorite TV Show:
    ____Courage, New Hampshire
    ____Sons of Anarchy