- “Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.”
- “Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.”
- “Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.”
- “Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bread today.”
- “Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.”
- “Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.”
- “When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.
- “Please knock. My TV’s broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened.”
- “My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle.”
- “Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.”
- “Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.”
- “From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don’t want any milk.”
- “My back door is open. Please put milk in ‘fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.”
- “Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.”
- “When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don’t leave any milk.
- “No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.”
- “Dear Milkman, I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.”
Tag Archives: messages
Windows 9
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 9:
- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
- Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
- Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
- Close your eyes and press escape three times.
- Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
- This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
- Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
- This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”
- To “shut down” your system, type “WIN.”
- BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
- COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
- CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
- File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
- Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
- Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
- Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
- WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
- User Error: Replace user.
- Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
- Welcome to Microsoft’s World – Your Mortgage is Past Due…
- If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have security?
- Required Government Warning: After we got caught in cahoots with the hardware manufacturers for trying to needlessly fill your hard drives, the following message is now required as you save your files in Word. “Word has detected that you don’t wish to save your text file as a lumpy and space wasting .doc format filled with potential viruses. Would you like to save your old outdated ASCII file as a Word file anyway?”
- Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
Smilies
| 🙂 | Your basic smilie. This smilie is used to inflect a sarcastic or joking statement. |
| 😉 | Winky smilie. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic remark. |
| 🙁 | Frowning smilie. |
| :-I | Indifferent smilie. Better than Frowning but not quite as good as happy smilie |
| :-> | User just made a really biting sarcastic remark. Worse than a :-). |
| >:-> | User just made a really devilish remark. |
| >;-> | Winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made. |
Those are the basic ones. Here are some somewhat less common ones:
| (-: | User is left handed |
| %-) | User has been staring at a monitor for 15 hours straight |
| :*) | User is drunk |
| [: | User is a robot |
| 😎 | User is wearing sunglasses |
| B:-) | Sunglasses on head |
| ::-) | User wears normal glasses |
| B-) | User wears horn-rimmed glasses |
| 8:-) | User is a little girl |
| :-)-8 | User is a Big girl |
| :-{) | User has a mustache |
| :-{} | User wears lipstick |
| {:-) | User wears a toupee |
| }:-( | Toupee in an updraft |
| :-[ | User is a Vampire |
| :-E | Bucktoothed vampire |
| :-F | Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing |
| :-7 | User juust made a wry statement |
| :-* | User just ate something sour |
| :-)~ | User drools |
| :-~) | User has a cold |
| :’-( | User is crying |
| :’-) | User is so happy, s/he is crying |
| :-@ | User is screaming |
| :-# | User wears braces |
| :^) | User has a broken nose |
| :v) | User has a broken nose, but it’s the other way |
| :_) | User’s nose is sliding off of his face |
| :<) | User is from an Ivy League School |
| :-& | User is tongue tied. |
| =:-) | User is a hosehead |
| -:-) | User is a punk rocker |
| -:-( | (real punk rockers don’t smile) |
| :=) | User has two noses |
| +-:-) | User is the Pope or holds some other religious office |
| `:-) | User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning |
| ,:-) | Same thing…other side |
| |-I | User is asleep |
| |-O | User is yawning/snoring |
| :-Q | User is a smoker |
| 😕 | User smokes a pipe |
| O-) | Megaton Man On Patrol! (or else, user is a scuba diver) |
| O:-) | User is an angel (at heart, at least) |
| 😛 | Nyahhhh! |
| :-S | User just made an incoherent statement |
| 😀 | User is laughing (at you!) |
| :-X | User’s lips are sealed |
| :-C | User is really bummed |
| <|-) | User is Chinese |
| <|-( | User is Chinese and doesn’t like these kind of jokes |
| :-/ | User is skeptical |
| C=:-) | User is a chef |
| @= | User is pro-nuclear war |
| *<:-) | User is wearing a Santa Claus Hat |
| 😮 | Uh oh! |
| (8-o | It’s Mr. Bill! |
| *:o) | And Bozo the Clown! |
| 3:] | Pet smilie |
| 3:[ | Mean Pet smilie |
| d8= | Your pet beaver is wearing goggles and a hard hat. |
| E-:-) | User is a Ham radio operator |
| :-9 | User is licking his/her lips |
| %-6 | User is braindead |
| [:-) | User is wearing a walkman |
| (:I | User is an egghead |
| <:-I | User is a dunce |
| K:P | User is a little kid with a propeller beenie |
| @:-) | User is wearing a turban |
| :-0 | No Yelling! (Quiet Lab) |
| :-: | Mutant Smilie |
| The invisible smilie | |
| -) | User only has one eye |
| ,-) | Ditto…but he’s winking |
| X-( | User just died |
| 8 🙂 | User is a wizard |
Note: A lot of these can be typed without noses to make midget smilies.
| 🙂 | Midget smilie |
| :] | Gleep…a friendly midget smilie who will gladly be your friend |
| =) | Variation on a theme… |
| :} | What should we call these? (what?) |
| 🙂 | Happy |
| :> | what? |
| :@ | what? |
| 😀 | Laughter |
| :I | Hmmm… |
| 🙁 | Sad |
| :[ | Real Downer |
| :< | what? |
| :{ | what? |
| :O | Yelling |
| :C | what? |
| :Q | what? |
| :,( | Crying |
| ] | Hugs and |
| :* | Kisses |
| |I | Asleep |
| |^o | Snoring |
Hidden Windows Commands
- System Failure – Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
- Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
- Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
- Close your eyes and press escape three times.
- Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
- This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”
- To “shut down” your system, type “WIN.”
- File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
- Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
- Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
- Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
- WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCILANDPAPER.SYS)
- User Error: Replace user – now get out of here!
- Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
- Welcome to Microsoft’s World – Your Mortgage is Past Due…
- If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations.