Life isn’t about keeping score.
It’s not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if you’re alone.
It isn’t about who you’re dating, who you used to date, how many people you’ve dated, or if you haven’t been with anyone at all.
It isn’t about who you have kissed.
It’s not about sex.
It isn’t about who your family is or how much money they have.
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you are sent to school.
It’s not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to.
It’s not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown.
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everybody else thinks you are, or how smart standardized tests say you are.
It’s not about what clubs you’re in or how good you are at “your” sport.
It’s not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper and seeing who will “accept” the written you.


But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It’s about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully.
It’s about keeping or betraying trust.
It’s about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.
It’s about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It’s about what judgments you pass and why. And who your judgments are spread to.
It’s about who you’ve ignored with full control and intention.
It’s about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It’s about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow, and spreading it.
But most of all, it’s about using your life to touch or poison other people’s hearts in such a way that could have never occurred alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected, and those choices are what life’s all about.

The Male Stages of Life

  • Drink17 ~ beer
    25 ~ beer
    35 ~ vodka
    48 ~ double vodka
    66 ~ Maalox
  • Seduction Line
    17 ~ My parents are away for the weekend.
    25 ~ My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
    35 ~ My fiancee is away for the weekend.
    48 ~ My wife is away for the weekend.
    66 ~ My second wife is dead.
  • Favorite Sport
    17 ~ sex
    25 ~ sex
    35 ~ sex
    48 ~ sex
    66 ~ napping
  • Definition of a Successful Date
    17 ~ “tongue”
    25 ~ “breakfast”
    35 ~ “She didn’t set back my therapy.”
    48 ~ “I didn’t have to meet her kids.”
    66 ~ “Got home alive.”
  • Favorite Fantasy
    17 ~ getting to third
    25 ~ airplane sex
    35 ~ menage a trois
    48 ~ taking the company public
    66 ~ Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
  • House Pet
    17 ~ roaches
    25 ~ stoned-out college roommate
    35 ~ Irish setter
    48 ~ children from his first marriage
    66 ~ Barbi
  • What’s The Ideal Age to get Married
    17 ~ 25
    25 ~ 35
    35 ~ 48
    48 ~ 66
    66 ~ 17
  • Ideal Date
    17 ~ Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
    25 ~ “Split the check before we go back to my place”
    35 ~ “Just come over.”
    48 ~ “Just come over and cook.”
    66 ~ sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

The Female Stages of Life

17 Wind Coolers
25 White Wine
35 Red Wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
Excuses for Refusing Dates
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Francois color my hair
66 Need to have Francois color my wig
Favorite Sport
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping
Definition of a Successful Date
17 Burger King
25 Free Meal
35 A Diamond
48 A Bigger Diamond
66 Home Alone
Favorite Fantasy
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair (preferably not on back)
66 a man
House Pet
17 Muffy the cat
25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat
What’s the Ideal Age to Get Married?
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
Ideal Date
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew

If Only Life Could Be Like A Computer…

  • If you messed up your life, you could press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all over!
  • To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.
  • Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.
  • To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
  • To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
  • To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
  • If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
  • When you loose your car keys, click on find.
  • “Help” with the chores is just a click away.
  • Auto insurance wouldn’t be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.
  • And, we could click on “SEND NOW” and a Pizza would be on it’s way to YOU…