Tag Archives: government

A Sad State of Affairs

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We now live in a country where I have no president but I do have …

  • A dead Senator from Missouri going to Congress.
  • A fake President played on TV by Martin Sheen.
  • A new Senator from New York who used to be the wife of the boss of the man who may be president.
  • A Governor from Florida who is the brother of the man who may be president and son of a man who was.
  • A sitting President whose wife now will be hanging around the same men who voted to remove him from office.
  • A senior Senator from South Carolina who, under our current Constitution rules, could be appointed to be President in this standoff despite the fact that he is 98.
  • A potential Vice President who, because he did not take his name off the Connecticut Senate race, could end up being the deciding factor in how the Senate is composed.

    • And finally ….

  • A state where a Republican Secretary of State and a Democratic Attorney General try to determine the outcome of 25 electoral votes without appearing to be partisan.

Any questions? Frankly, I don’t see what the confusion is all about.

Government Contracting Glossary

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  • Contractor
    A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

  • Bid Opening
    A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

  • Bid
    A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

  • Low Bidder
    A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid.

  • Engineer’s Estimate
    The cost of construction in heaven.

  • Project Manager
    The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

  • Critical Path Method
    A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

  • OSHA
    A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney; usually applied at random with a shotgun.

  • Strike
    An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

  • Delayed Payment
    A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

  • Completion Date
    The point at which liquidated damages begin.

  • Liquidated Damages
    A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

  • Auditor
    Person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

  • Lawyer
    Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.