Government Contracting Glossary

  • Contractor
    A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
  • Bid Opening
    A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
  • Bid
    A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
  • Low Bidder
    A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid.
  • Engineer’s Estimate
    The cost of construction in heaven.
  • Project Manager
    The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
  • Critical Path Method
    A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
  • OSHA
    A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney; usually applied at random with a shotgun.
  • Strike
    An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
  • Delayed Payment
    A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
  • Completion Date
    The point at which liquidated damages begin.
  • Liquidated Damages
    A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
  • Auditor
    Person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.
  • Lawyer
    Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.