You’re Really an Engineer if….

No matter what you’re current job description, you’re really an engineer if…

  • choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
  • you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
  • the sales people at the local computer store can’t answer any of your questions.
  • you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
  • you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
  • you can type 70 words per minute but can’t read your own handwriting.
  • you comment to your wife that her straight hair is collimated.
  • you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
  • you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
  • you know what http:// stands for.
  • you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids’ toys together.
  • you see a good design and still have to change it.
  • you window shop at Radio Shack.
  • your laptop computer costs more than your car.
  • your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
  • you’ve already calculated how much you make per second.
  • you’ve tried to repair a $5 radio.

Hints for Choosing a Husband

When choosing a mate, compare these other professionals to Engineers

  • DOCTORS
    Supposedly, all women are after a Doctor, so don’t expect your relationship to last more than 5 years. Eventually, he’ll run off with some nurse from his office, or one of his young women patients that is pretending to be sick. He’ll wait until you are stuck with a few kids to do this. This is not a problem with your Engineer husband. He had a hard enough time meeting you. It is unlikely he’ll ever meet another woman in his profession.
  • LAWYER
    Do You seriously expect an honest, trusting relationship with someone who gets paid for lying? Once again, this is not a problem with your Engineer spouse. He doesn’t have enough social skills to lie convincingly. An additional drawback to marrying a lawyer is when the divorce happens you will get nothing.
  • SALESMAN
    See honesty segment under Lawyer. Plus, he will be traveling to trade shows, etc. where he will be in the company of other equally trustworthy individuals. Don’t be surprised when you get the invitation to show up on the Jerry Springer show. The company that your Engineer husband works at will keep him in a cage, often called a cubicle, until he is ready to go home to you.
  • HAZARDOUS PROFESSIONS, IE. Police Officer, Firefighter, Construction Worker, Etc
    Your husband, if he is not dead by some accident, will likely be crippled with a back injury, etc. just about the time you are at your sexual peak. The only hazards that your Engineer husband will face is losing his eyesight by staring at the terminal for too long. This hazard actually has some benefits. For one, he will not notice that you are getting older, since you will be a blur. He will remember you as when he first met you, because the memory will still be sharp, and you ask “Honey, were you looking at her?”, he’ll honestly be able to say that he didn’t even see her.
  • TEACHER
    The only reason he entered this profession is so that he could be surrounded by newly post-pubescent girls who idolize him. He’ll be in jail soon, and then you’ll have to look for another man.
  • MINISTER
    See Teacher and substitute the word “girls” with “boys”.