The annual internet clean up campaign will take place on the evening of March 31st beginning at 9pm EST and continue until April 1st 9am EST. This annual event occurs to remove the trash that forms on the internet throughout the year. Without this annual cleanup campaign the Internet would become so overrun with trash that its ability to pass information back and forth would become severely restricted.
All internet users are advised to take the following precautions to prevent damage or loss of information:
- Back-up all “bookmarks” or “favorites”–these will be essential to your ability to find your favorite sites once the internet has been cleaned.
- Clean out your history folder on your internet browser…details can be found at the following website: www.clean.your/browser/history/files.html.
- Clean our your history cache…details can be found at the following website: www.clean.your/browser/cache/files.html.
- AOL users should request form # 843.02.00 by using keyword “Cleanup”. Please do not try to use form # 843.01.00 as it is long out of date.
- Prior to the shut down of the internet at 9pm EST on March 31st all internet users are advised to disconnect their computers from their internet access lines (modem or cable connection)..inexperienced users are requested to contact their ISP for information on the disconnection procedure.
- Remain off-line and disconnected from the internet until after 9am on April 1st.
- Upon reconnecting to the internet direct your web browser to the following website: www.first/start/up/empty.html … this should correct all your bookmarks.
This annual campaign removes all outdated links, old abandoned web pages, and extinct email addresses. This frees up millions of gigabytes of space each year. If people would learn to surf responsibly, without leaving dead and outdated links, this annual campaign would no longer be necessary. John Gutzen, President of Free Old Outdated Links (FOOL), the governing body of the cleanup campaign is quoted “I see the day when the campaign will no longer be required, when no one is a newbie, and when every one follows FOOL’s philosophy. That day is a long way off, but I hope to see it in my life time.”
Please note: If you attempt to connect to the internet during the shut-down time, serious damage to your computer and internet connection could occur.
All users are advised to contact their ISP prior to March 31st 6:00pm EST in the event that they do not understand any of the above.
This notice was prepared by Free Old Outdated Links (Fool) and space was provided free of charge in this Internet publication through a joint internet community effort.
One day Jack decided that he was going to show the world his new Blue Cheer laundry detergent. He went up to this lady’s house and asked if he could wash some of her clothes. She agreed. “Okay lady, I will need a blouse, socks, a pair of your dirty underwear and two bowls of water.” “Alright, hold on a second,” and she went to get those things.
Jack took the blouse and began to sing while washing it. “WASH, WASH, WASH IN MY NEW BLUE CHEER! RINSE, RINSE, RINSE IN THE CLEAR WATER AND RUN IT UNDER YOUR NOSE! IT SMELLS LIKE A ROSE.”
The lady smelled her blouse and said, “Oh my, this does smell good! Here try my socks!”
“WASH, WASH, WASH, IN MY NEW BLUE CHEER! RINSE, RINSE, RINSE IN THE CLEAR WATER AND RUN IT UNDER YOUR NOSE. IT SMELLS LIKE A ROSE!”
The lady smelled her socks and said, “Wonderful! Here try my underwear!”
“WASH, WASH, WASH, IN MY NEW BLUE CHEER! RINSE, RINSE, RINSE IN THE CLEAR WATER AND RUN IT UNDER YOUR NOSE AND…
WASH, WASH, WASH!”
Just when you thought you knew everything…
- To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl. Let the “real thing” sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
- To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
- To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
- To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
- To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan; wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
- To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
- It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
This is why we drink PEPSI products!! We’re too busy CLEANING with the Coke!!
You have company arriving in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT WILL YOU DO?
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first session of Housekeeping Tips for Regular People. If you’re a Martha Stewart type of housekeeper, this column is NOT for you.
However, for the rest of you, this is your chance to learn 15 Secret Shortcuts to Good Housekeeping that your mother never told you.
- Secret Tip 1: Door Locks
If a room clearly can’t be whipped into shape in 30 days–much less 30 minutes–employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is intentionally locked.
CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom.
Time: 2 seconds
- Secret Tip 2: Duct Tape
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it’s a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss.
Time: 2-3 minutes
- Secret Tip 3: Ovens
If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they’re a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company’s coming.
Time: 2 minutes
- Secret Tip 4: Clothes Dryers
Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger. CAUTION: Avoid hiding flammable objects here.
Time: 2.5 minutes
- Secret Tip 5: Washing Machines and Freezers
Like Secret Tip 4, except even bigger.
Time: 3 minutes
- Secret Tip 6: Dust Ruffles
No bed should be without one. Devotees of Martha Stewart believe dust ruffles exist to keep dust out from under a bed or to help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest of us know a dust ruffle’s highest and best use is to hide whatever you’ve managed to shove under the bed. (Refer to Secret Tips 3, 4, 5.)
Time: 4 minutes
- Secret Tip 7: Dusting
The 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House method says: Never dust under what you can dust around.
Time: 3 minutes
- Secret Tip 8: Dishes
Don’t use them. Use plastic or paper and you won’t have to.
Time: 1 minute
- Secret Tip 9: Clothes Washing (EEWWW)
This secret tip is brought to you by an inventive teenager. When this teen’s mother went on a housekeeping strike for a month, the teen discovered you can extend the life of your underwear by two …if you turn it wrong side out and, yes, rerun it.
CAUTION: This tip is recommended only for teens and those who don’t care if they get in a car wreck.
Time: 3 seconds
- Secret Tip 10: Ironing
If an article of clothing doesn’t require a full press and your hair does, a curling iron is the answer. In between curling your hair, use the hot wand to iron minor wrinkles out of your clothes. Yes, it really does work, or so I’m told, by other disciples of the 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House philosophy.
Time: 5 minutes (including curling your hair)
- Secret Tip 11: Vacuuming
Stick to the middle of the room, which is the only place people look. Don’t bother vacuuming under furniture. It takes way too long and no one looks there anyway.
Time: 5 minutes, entire house; 2 minutes, living room only
- Secret Tip 12: Lighting
The key here is low, low, and lower. It’s not only romantic, but bad lighting can hide a multitude of dirt.
Time: 10 seconds
- Secret Tip 13: Bed Making
Get an old-fashioned waterbed. No one can tell if those things are made up or not, saving you, oh, hundreds of seconds over the course of a lifetime.
- Secret Tip 14: Showers, Toilets, and Sinks
Forget one and two. Concentrate on three.
Time: 1 minute
- Secret Tip 15: The Bathtub
No, don’t clean it. You don’t have time, and your guests aren’t going to look there anywhy. You can use the bathtub to hide all kinds of things from the rest of the house. Just pull the curtain closed and hope nobody looks there. This won’t work on your mother, sadly.
Time: 3 seconds
If you already knew at least 10 of these tips, don’t even think about inviting a Martha Stewart type to your home!