Hot Amish Spring Break Activities

  • Drink molasses till you heave.
  • Attend a Wet Bonnet contest.
  • Tear a page out of the room directory and totally trash it.
  • Throw a “Keg of Buttermilk” party.
  • Blow past the Dairy Queen on a really hot Clydesdale.
  • Get a tattoo that says: “Born to Raise Barns.”
  • Dare to wear a see-through smock to bed.
  • Sleep in until 6:00am.
  • Cop a glance, behind a checkout counter, of the front cover of a Playboy Magazine.
  • Churn butter naked.

Signs Your Amish Teen is in Trouble

  • Sometimes stays in bed till after 6am.
  • In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
  • Shows up at barn raisings in full “Kiss” makeup.
  • When you criticize him, he yells, “Thou suck!”
  • His name is Jebediah, but he goes by “Jeb Daddy.”
  • Defiantly says, “If I had a radio, I’d listen to rap.”
  • You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
  • Uses slang expression: “Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain’t listening.”
  • Was recently pulled over for “driving under the influence of cottage cheese.”
  • He’s wearing his big black hat backwards