The Mindset List for the Class of 2003

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Every year Beloit College prepares a list for it’s faculty to remind them how different the world the incoming freshmen were raised in is from the world they were raised in. The lists are always interesting. Here’s the list for the Class of 2003.

Most of this year’s students entering college were born in 1981.

  • They are the first generation to be born into Luvs, Huggies, and Pampers.
  • John Lennon and John Belushi have always been dead.
  • There has always been a woman on the Supreme Court, and women have always been traveling into space.
  • They have never needed a prescription to buy ibuprofen.
  • They never realized that for one brief moment, Gen. Alexander Haig was “in charge.”
  • They never heard Walter Cronkite suggest that “That’s the way it is.”
  • They were born and grew up with Microsoft, IBM PCs, in-line skates, NutraSweet, fax machines, film on disks, and unregulated quantities of commercial interruptions on television.
  • Somebody named Dole has always been running for something.
  • Cats has been on Broadway all their lives.
  • While they all know her children, they have no idea who “Ma Bell” was.
  • They never heard anyone say, “Book ‘em, Dano,” “Good night, John-boy,” or “Kiss my grits,” in prime time.
  • They never knew Madonna when she was like a virgin.
  • Mike Myers is the Spy Who Shagged Me not the first congressman expelled from that body in a century for his role in “Abscam.”
  • They have never had to worry about the packaging of Tylenol.
  • Yugoslavia has never existed.
  • They have never seen Bob Marley perform reggae live.
  • Jesse Jackson has always been getting someone out of trouble someplace.
  • Strikes by highly paid athletes have been a routine part of professional athletics.
  • The moonwalk is a Michael Jackson dance step, not a Neil Armstrong giant step.
  • John Cougar has always been John Cougar Mellencamp, or vice versa.
  • Travel to space has always been accomplished in reusable spacecraft.
  • The term “adult” has increasingly come to mean “dirty.”
  • The year they were born, reports condemned violence on television and in Hollywood films for producing the likes of John Hinckley.
  • They have always been able to get their news from USA Today and CNN.
  • They have spent more than half their lives with Bart Simpson.
  • They don’t understand why Solidarity is spelled with a capital “S.”
  • They don’t think there is anything terribly futuristic about 2001, and were never concerned about the year 1984.
  • They have no idea how big a breadbox is.
  • Camelot refers to King Arthur’s seat of government, not John Kennedy’s.
  • President Kennedy’s assassination is as significant to them as that of Lincoln or Garfield.
  • They have probably never dialed a phone or opened an icebox.
  • The only thing a “churchkey” has ever opened for them is a church.
  • They have never seen white smoke over the Vatican and do not know its significance.
  • They cannot identify the last United States President to throw-up on a Japanese prime minister.
  • Ketchup has always been a vegetable.
  • Susan B. Anthony has always been on the dollar but probably never bought them anything.
  • They cannot imagine waiting a generation to get the dirt on the U.S. President.
  • They felt pretty special when their elementary school had top-of-the-line Commodore 64s.
  • ET, Gremlins, and The Hulk provided their Halloween costumes and lunch box themes.
  • They were introduced to Kramer on the TV show Friday’s.
  • They remember when Saturday Night Live was still funny.
  • They have never seen a BankAmericard.

In all fairness to this latest generation of entering college students, we this year add a list of items that only a child of the ’80s can explain…don’t ask us!

  • They owned and operated a “trapper keeper.”
  • They can explain the “cha-ching” thing.
  • They know what a “burnout” is.
  • They know what “psych” means.
  • During time in the arcade, they actually lined up quarters on the top panel of the game to “reserve” a spot.
  • They know the profound meaning of “Wax on, Wax off.”
  • They know that another name for a keyboard is a “synthesizer.”
  • They can name at least half of the members of the elite “Brat Pack.”
  • They know who Tina Yothers is.
  • They felt ashamed when Rob Lowe got in trouble for having sex with minors and videotaping it, because they liked him.
  • They know who Max Headroom is.
  • They could breakdance, or wished they could.
  • Partying “like it’s 1999” seemed SOOO far away.
  • They thought that “transformers” were more than meets the eye.
  • They can, right now, hum the theme to Inspector Gadget.
  • They wanted to be on Star Search.
  • They can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
  • They wore banana clips at some point during their youth, or knew someone who did.
  • They owned a doll with “Xavier Roberts” signed on its rear, or knew someone who did.
  • They knew what Willis was “talkin’ ’bout.”
  • They HAD to have their MTV.
  • They hold a special place in their hearts for Back to the Future.
  • They thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.
  • They actually thought Dirty Dancing was a REALLY good movie.
  • They collected Garbage Pail Kids.
  • They actually saw Ted Danson as the MacDaddy he played “Sam” to be.
  • They remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.
  • They own(ed) cassette singles.
  • They were led to believe that, in the year 2000, we’d all be living on the moon.
  • They owned pieces of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut.
  • Poltergeist freaked them out.
  • They have occasionally pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
  • They know what a Doozer is.
  • They wore bike shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish, or knew someone who did.
  • They had Swatch Watches.
  • They had WonderWoman or Superman underoos.
  • They know what a “Whammee” is.

The Mindset List for The Class of 2002

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Every year Beloit College prepares a list for it’s faculty to remind them how different the world the incoming freshmen were raised in is from the world they were raised in. The lists are always interesting. Here’s the list for the Class of 2002.

The people starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980.

  • They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era, and did not know he had ever been shot.
  • They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
  • Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
  • There has only been one Pope. They can only remember one other president.
  • They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War.
  • They have never feared a nuclear war. “The Day After” is a pill to them—not a movie.
  • They are too young to remember the Space Shuttle Challenger blowing up.
  • Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
  • They never had a polio shot, and likely, do not know what it is.
  • Bottle caps have not always been screw off, but have always been plastic. They have no idea what a pull top can looks like.
  • Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums.
  • The expression “you sound like a broken record” means nothing to them.
  • They have never owned a record player.
  • They have likely never played Pac Man, and have never heard of “Pong.”
  • Star Wars looks very fake to them, and the special effects are pathetic.
  • There have always been red M&M’s, and blue ones are not new. What do you mean there used to be beige ones?
  • They may never have heard of an 8-track, and chances are they’ve never heard or seen one.
  • The compact disc was introduced when they were one year old.
  • As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.
  • They have always had an answering machine.
  • Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black & white TV.
  • They have always had cable.
  • There have always been VCR’s, but they have no idea what Beta is.
  • They cannot fathom what it was like not having a remote control.
  • They were born the year Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
  • Roller-skating has always meant in-line for them.
  • “The Tonight Show” has always been with Jay Leno.
  • They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
  • Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
  • They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player.
  • They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
  • The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI and WWII or even the Civil War.
  • They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
  • They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are.
  • They don’t know who Mork was, or where he was from.
  • They never heard the terms “Where’s the Beef?”, “I’d walk a mile for a Camel” or “De plane, de plane!”
  • They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
  • The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was.
  • Michael Jackson has always been white.
  • Kansas, Boston, Chicago, America, and Alabama are all places—not music groups.
  • McDonalds never came in Styrofoam containers.
  • There has always been MTV, and it has always included non-musical shows.

Ethical Questions

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  • Ethical Question #1

    It is time to elect the world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

    • Candidate A associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologers. He’s had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
    • Candidate B was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.
    • Candidate C is a decorated war hero. He’s a vegetarian, doesn’t smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn’t had any extramarital affairs.

    Which of these candidates would be your choice?

    Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answers….

  • Ethical Question #2

    Religious beliefs aside, if you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; and she was pregnant again, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Think before scrolling down…

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Well, if you said ‘yes,’ you just killed Beethoven…

Answers to the Ethical Question #1

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler

Did you choose well?

On Chocolate

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When you think of chocolate, do you associate it as a “junk food”? For all you chocolate lovers, this article may just make your day!

Chocolate is a plant-based food that contains several minerals such as magnesium, copper, zinc, and iron. In addition, it contains a group of phytochemicals called polyphenols. Phytochemicals have been recently shown to possess antioxidant properties. “Antioxidant properties” means that it possesses little chemicals that help fight off certain diseases.

Now, this article is not telling you it is okay to make chocolate a major part of your diet. What it is telling you that it is perfectly fine to include it as part of a well balanced diet.

The plant phenols found in chocolate include a subclass known as flavonoids. Flavonoids are found in tea, wine, cocoa, and chocolate. Studies have shown that flavonoids seem to have a positive effect impact on heart health.

Chocolate flavonoids possess a very unique chemical structure compared to other plant-based foods and beverages. These flavonoids are actually rarely found in food sources. But, of biggest interest is the fact that they are particularly powerful antioxidants.

The polyphenols in chocolate have been reported to decrease the oxidation of LDL cholesterol both in vitro and in humans. This finding is especially important in regards to heart health. LDL cholesterol levels have been linked as a potential risk factor for heart disease.

“Isn’t chocolate high in fat?”, you ask. “And, isn’t it saturated fat?” Yes, and yes. However, studies have shown that chocolate is no longer a concern in regards to its saturated fat content. Why?

Early on, it appeared that ALL saturated fats had a negative effect on cholesterol levels. New research shows that not all saturated fats act the same way in the body. The type of fat contained in cocoa butter include oleic acid (a monounsaturated fat – heart healthy) and stearic and palmitic acids (both saturated fats).

Stearic acid has unique properties as a saturated fat. Stearic acid’s effect on blood cholesterol is neutral – it neither raises or lowers cholesterol. Other saturated fats increase blood cholesterol levels. In case you are wondering what it is exactly that makes a fat saturated vs. unsaturated, it quite simply is the chemical structure. So, while stearic acid’s chemical structure defines it as a saturated fat, it does not effect cholesterol levels the same as other saturated fats.

Conclusion – Chocolate eaten in moderation may actually contribute to a heart healthy diet. Plus, indulging a little will likely boost your spirits.

Enjoy!

What a Difference a Century Makes

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In the summer of 1900…

  • The average life expectancy in the United States was 47.
  • Only 14% of the homes in the United States had a bathtub.
  • Only 8% of the homes had a telephone.
  • A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost $11.
  • There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
  • The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
  • Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
  • With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populated state in the Union.
  • The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
  • The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.
  • The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
  • A competent accountant could expect to earn $2,000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
  • More than 95% of all births in the United States took place at home.
  • 90% of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as “substandard.”
  • Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were 14 cents a dozen. Coffee cost 15 cents a pound.
  • Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
  • The five leading causes of death in the US were:
    1. Pneumonia and influenza;
    2. TB;
    3. Diarrhea;
    4. Heart disease;
    5. Stroke.
  • The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn’t been admitted to the Union yet.
  • The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families.
  • Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn’t been discovered yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn’t been invented.
  • There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
  • One in 10 US adults couldn’t read or write.
  • Only 6% of all Americans had graduated from high school.
  • Some medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm, hour after hour, of the sewing machine’s foot pedals. They recommended slipping bromide, which was thought to diminish sexual desire, into the women’s drinking water.
  • Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, “Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.”
  • 18% of households in the United States had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
  • There were about 230 reported murders in the US annually.

Cell Phone Junkies

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Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Tangled in a web of wireless? Maybe you should ask yourself these questions.

  1. Do parts of your body tingle when you get free cell phone minutes?
  2. Does raising your children interfere with programming your speed dial?
  3. Do you have long-distance conversations while sitting on the toilet in a public restroom?
  4. Does the term fashion statement mean matching your outfit with your cell phone carrying case?
  5. When getting into a car accident, is your first response “Can you hold on a moment, I’m hemorrhaging?”
  6. Does the sound of static trigger dark memories of ill-fated connections?
  7. Do you use the menu light as your night light?
  8. Does it take you an hour on a regular phone to get the same feeling of a five-minute cellular call?
  9. When receiving a phone call, do you ever ask the film projectionist to lower the volume of the movie?

Caught!

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Read the TEXT FIRST, then open the photo.

They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark stormy night. The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance and wished that he would take her in his arm, comfort her, protect her from the storm, she wanted that…then the power went out. She screamed.

He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He did not hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprised when she didn’t resist but instead clung to him. The storm raged on… as did their growing passion and there came a moment when each knew that they had to be together.

They knew it was wrong, their families would not understand, but so consumed in their passion they didn’t hear the door or the click of the light switch… the power was back on…

 

(NOW Click here to open the file)

Cartoon Characters on Drugs?

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  • Speedy Gonzales
    Hey, c’mon. Was there ever a rodent when Amphetamine abuse is so obvious? And did you notice, he runs out and gets the food for everyone, but does he ever eat any?

  • Elmer Fudd
    No question, the boy trips on Ecstacy. I mean, listen to that laugh, would you?

  • Wile E. Coyote
    Now here’s a total PCP burnout case. Not only does he feel no pain, but he’s too brain damaged to know he’s licked.

  • Yosemite Sam
    Another Angel Dust suspect. His aggression knows no bounds, but despite being shot by cannons at point blank range, he just gets madder and meaner.

  • Snoopy
    Of course, likes to trip out with grass. Mostly, he’s pretty mellowed out, but when he gets his paws on that Hash Oil, hey, its WWI flying Ace time.

  • Olive Oyl
    Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she IS always giving her burger to her friend. One side question, what the heck are Popeye and Brutus thinking? They almost made the list for dating her.

  • He-Man
    This is an easy one. I mean c’mon. Roid monkey #1. “BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!” Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the stuff in his pet tiger. Animal Abuse!

  • Yogi and Boo Boo
    We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip. Another side: Are they gay? I mean, take a look at BooBoo. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…..

  • Droopy Dog
    The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can’t someone slip him an upper every year or two. The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe.

  • Dopey (Dwarf)
    He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc is writing some extra ‘scripts’ for Sneezy and all the guys partaking are afloat.

  • Daffy Duck
    If he isn’t using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time. Some symptoms might be from “daffiness” but Haldol wouldn’t work for him.

  • Shaggy
    By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats (scooby snacks) consumed per episode smokes pot. And look at the way he and his friends painted that van!

But First…

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I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it goes…

  • I decide to do work on the car, I start to the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I’m going to work on the car… BUT FIRST…
  • I’m going to go through the mail. Lay car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I’ll just put the bills on my desk…. BUT FIRST…
  • I’ll take the trash out, but since I’m going to be near the mailbox, I’ll address a few bills…. Yes. Now, where is the checkbook? Oops.. there’s only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty plastic cup from last night on my desk. I’m going to look for those checks… BUT FIRST…

  • I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice the flowers need a drink of water, I put the cup on the counter and there’s my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I’ll just put them away… BUT
    FIRST…

  • I need to water those plants. I head for the door and… Aaaagh! someone left the TV remote in the wrong spot. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants… BUT FIRST…
  • I need to find those checks.

END OF DAY: Oil in car not changed, bills still unpaid, cup still in the sink, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys,… And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because… I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition
is serious… I’d get help… BUT FIRST…

I think I’ll check my e-mail.

That’ll Teach Her!

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Betty, the town gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the town’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business.

Most local residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. However, she made a mistake when she recently accused Ted, a local man, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town’s only bar one afternoon.

Ted, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and walked away. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.