Idiot’s Guide to Windows Operating Systems

  • Multitasking
    You can crash several programs all at once. No waiting!
  • Built-in Networking
    You can crash several PC’s all at once. No need to buy Novell Personal Netware or LANtastic to crash.
  • Microsoft Network
    Connect with other Windows users and talk about your crash experiences. Support groups in different cities will be organized.
  • PnP
    Plug and Pray (that it works)
  • Multimedia
    Experience the immense sight and sound of crashing. Compatible with existing software It will also crash your existing software.
  • Increased Productivity
    You will need to *increase* your budget to buy more *products* like RAM and Hard Drives. Better yet, get a new computer! That’s productivity.
  • User-Friendly
    Picture of clouds
  • State of the Art
    Pay for Bill’s next bid for a work of art.
  • Macintosh-like
    It took Microsoft eleven years and it’s not even original.
  • Online Registration
    Dial into Microsoft and let them snoop around your hard drive. This will guarantee you a place in Microsoft’s files for the rest of your life.
  • MS Plus
    More money for Bill’s plus side.
  • Optimize
    It will increase the utilization of your hard drive and CPU so much so that you’ll end up upgrading your system.