Places for Catnaps, Rated

From The Cat Diary
Weekly excerpts from my cat’s diary.
Copyright 2003, Mark Mason, all rights reserved

Now I have heard it all. The United Nations is known for its marathon talkfests that can put even the most veteran diplomats to sleep. It is almost a form of anesthesia. Now a former French ambassador has performed a service to his colleagues by writing a guide to catnapping, listing various lounges and sitting areas around the U.N. building and rating them for their catnapping comfort.

If I had the inclination, or the means, I might charge him with stealing my idea. It obviously came from my beastly bestseller, The Cats Places Rated Almanac for Cat Naps. Five stars is best.

  • On the front doorstep. **
    Too dangerous. The Big Owner, not paying attention, can step on your tail – or worse.
  • On the stairs. ****
    Outstanding support for the length of a stretched-out feline. It also provides a ledge from which to hang almost any appendage. For obvious reasons, never do this in the dark.
  • On the bathroom toilet tank. ***
    Only if it is one of the carpeted variety which is, admittedly, a little retro. The style went out with the ’70’s, but some owners never change. If there are vases or boxes of Kleenex on the tank, knock them off. Excellent full body support, head and hind paws hang over. For between-nap exercises, roll some TP off the holder onto the floor. Again.
  • In the bathroom sink. **
    Perfectly formed for a kitty’s body. But can still be wet and disgustingly dirty from the Big Owner’s shaving his face there each morning. Strange things seem to grow there. Best after it has been freshly cleaned with powerful chemicals to cut through the grunge. Also risk of leaky faucet disturbing a beautiful rest.
  • In the clean laundry. ****
    Especially if it is still warm.
  • In the dirty laundry. *
    Never. Unless your cat box is dirty and you need somewhere to ‘go.’
  • On The Big Owner. *****
    … Drooling a puddle onto his chest. Insist he scratch you. Purr loudly so that he does not fall asleep on the job.

This is part of a great collection of great cat stories, told from the cat’s perspective. For more information please visit the website!

Copyright 2003, Mark Mason, all rights reserved