You Know You Are Italian When…

  • You’re 5’4″, can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
  • Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a’76 Monte Carlo.
  • You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro.
  • Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.
  • You consider dunking a pack of “S” cookies in milk a nutritious breakfast.
  • Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law’s brother-in-law.
  • Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your “Just do me” tank top.
  • At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
  • All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
  • A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of “professore” among your aunts.
  • You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
  • If someone in your family grown beyond 5’6″, it is presumed his mother had an affair.
  • There are more than 24 people in your bridal party.
  • You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
  • 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say, “Pronto,” when answering the phone.
  • You are offended when the wedding you attend serves fewer than 3 fish courses.
  • Of course you own more than 2 homes…
  • You have an Un-Godly fear of wooden spoons.
  • Someone in your family has a nickname after an ethnically Italian food (i.e., Pasta, Meatball, etc.).
  • No matter how long you’ve been married, your wife “just can’t make homemade sauce like Mom did.”