You Live in New York City If…

  • You say “the city” and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
  • You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
  • The subway makes sense to you, and the subway should never be called anything like the Metro.
  • You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
  • Your door has more than three locks and is made of steel.
  • You think Central Park is “nature.”
  • You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the US pay on their mortgage.
  • You haven’t seen more than 12 stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
  • You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
  • You have 27 different take-out menus next to your telephone.
  • Going to Brooklyn is considered a “road trip.” Of course, you only go there to attend weddings or funerals.
  • America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
  • You have jaywalking down to an art form. You’re born with it.
  • You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
  • You don’t hear sirens anymore.
  • You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.
  • Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watch-seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian, your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian, and your neighbor is Swedish…