- You think “loading the dishwasher” means getting your wife drunk
- The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
- You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.
- Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos.”
- Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.”
- You’ve ever given rat traps as gifts.
- You clean your fingernails with a stick.
- You’ve ever hit a deer with your car, deliberately.
- Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
- You keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table.
- You’ve totaled every car you’ve ever owned.
- There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
- You ever got too drunk to fish.
- You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
- Directions to your house include, “Turn off the paved road.”
- The dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.
- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
- You think the French Riviera is a foreign car
- You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.
- You’ve ever financed a tattoo.
- The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.
- You’ve ever bought a used hat.
- You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog.
- You’re considered an expert on worm beds.
- You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
- Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.
- “Bambi” made you hungry for rabbit.
- You learned to drive in a monster truck.
- You spit chewing tobacco in the plants.
- Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.
- You believe books are bad luck.
- You believe all-star wrestling should be an Olympic competition.
- You believe all-star wrestling.
- You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.
- You think a “thesaurus” was a dinosaur.
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