You Might Be Po’ White Trash If…

  • You think “loading the dishwasher” means getting your wife drunk
  • The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
  • You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.
  • Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos.”
  • Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.”
  • You’ve ever given rat traps as gifts.
  • You clean your fingernails with a stick.
  • You’ve ever hit a deer with your car, deliberately.
  • Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
  • You keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table.
  • You’ve totaled every car you’ve ever owned.
  • There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
  • You ever got too drunk to fish.
  • You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
  • Directions to your house include, “Turn off the paved road.”
  • The dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.
  • Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
  • You think the French Riviera is a foreign car
  • You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.
  • You’ve ever financed a tattoo.
  • The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.
  • You’ve ever bought a used hat.
  • You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog.
  • You’re considered an expert on worm beds.
  • You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
  • Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.
  • “Bambi” made you hungry for rabbit.
  • You learned to drive in a monster truck.
  • You spit chewing tobacco in the plants.
  • Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.
  • You believe books are bad luck.
  • You believe all-star wrestling should be an Olympic competition.
  • You believe all-star wrestling.
  • You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.
  • You think a “thesaurus” was a dinosaur.

White Trash Barbie


She’s larger and meaner than them other prissy, stuck-up, think-they’re-better’n-you Barbies! Now every girl can live the fantasy of ignorance and poverty with her special trailer-park friend.

Every WHITE TRASH BARBIE comes complete with:

  • Two packs of Marlboro Lights for Barbie’s smoking pleasure!
  • A six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer (it’s on sale!)
  • Barbie during her busy day of bitching and watching TV.
  • Stylish, every occasion Spandex pants, halter top and sandals.
    *Hot pants or blue jean cutoffs may be substituted on dolls shipped to Alabama).
  • Waffle House uniform sold separately.
  • Barbie comes with platinum blonde hair and black roots showing.
  • Miracle-o’-procreation button! Press button on Barbie’s back and she’s pregnant…again!

Barbie can say 11 phrases including,

  • “I tol’ jew friggin’ kids to git the hell outa my yard!”
  • “Git me anuther beer, baybee.”
  • “Whur’s my damn cigarettes?”, and more.
  • Barbie doublewide dream trailer: Mobile home fun complete with stained carpet, broken steps, and TV set. Barbie’s wormy pet cat Rufus, also included. Trailer disassembles for use with the Tornado Action Playset (Sold separately).
  • Barbie dream car: 1982 Camaro in mix-n’-match colors, smokin’ chokin’ exhaust*, and coat hanger radio antenna. (Holds two white Trash Barbies or fifteen Mexi-Migrant Barbies) (*Smoke non-toxic, unless breathed.)
  • Abusive boyfriend Ken with Asskickin’ leg action and bitch-slap backhand. With cowboy boots and MD 20/20 bottle. Curses and mumbles when string is pulled.
  • Married life Ken with Beer-bustin’ expanding waist*. Molded to recliner, with TV remote, beer, and chips. Says “Shut up, woman,” and “Git me a beer.” (*Waist cannot be reduced once expanded.)