In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one’s enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.
The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.
The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in it’s leather sheath and worn on a homeowner’s belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder
An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.
A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.
A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.
Cordless or Cellular Telephone
The handyman’s 911.
A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law’s nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.
Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.
A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the job you’re doing or offer advice.