My Mother Taught Me…

  • My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
    “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!”
  • My mother taught me RELIGION
    “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
  • My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
    “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
  • My mother taught me LOGIC
    “Because I said so, that’s why.”
  • My mother taught me FORESIGHT
    “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
  • My mother taught me IRONY
    “Keep laughing and I’ll ‘give’ you something to cry about.”
  • My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
    “Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”
  • My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
    “Will you ‘look’ at the dirt on the back of your neck!”
  • My mother taught me about STAMINA
    “You’ll sit there ’til all that spinach is finished.”
  • My mother taught me about WEATHER
    “It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”
  • My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS
    “If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?”
  • My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
    “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – Don’t exaggerate!!!”
  • My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
    “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
  • My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
    “Stop acting like your father!”
  • My mother taught me about ENVY
    “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”