Hidden Meanings in Commercial Slogans

  • “A diamond is forever.”
    “Which is *exactly* how long you’ll be hearing about it from the wife if you don’t cough up the green for some ice, pal.”
  • “Built Ford tough”
    “It’s an American version of tough; not *really* tough, like German cars are tough.”
  • “I can’t believe it’s not butter!”
    “Being around Fabio, for even a few seconds, makes you dumb as a post.”
  • “Pork; the other white meat”
    “When Heston starts screaming that it’s people, don’t say we didn’t warn you.”
  • “An Army of one”
    “Can’t be gay all by yourself, can ya?”
  • “A diamond says you’d marry her all over again”
    “You’re too classy for a $50 hooker every week.”
  • “Have it your way”
    “Think of us as your personal hamburger whore.”
  • “Just Do It”
    “We know you’ll never get off the couch lard-ass; just buy the friggin’ shoes.”
  • “The new way to office”
    “The half-assed way to slogan.”
  • “It’s so chunky, you’ll be tempted to eat it with a fork.”
    “Those damn slicing machines are still dumping way too many body parts in our soups!”
  • “Must-see TV”
    “Yeah, what else are you gonna do, Shakespeare? Read?!”
  • “Calgon, take me away!”
    “I’ve got my Mr. Showerhead poised for action.”
  • “Like a rock”
    “God knows we weren’t selling many pickups with that Boy George tune.”