You Know You’ve Had Too Much Holiday Cheer When…

  • You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.
  • Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.
  • You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
  • You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.
  • You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
  • You strike a match and light your nose.
  • You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
  • You hear someone say, “Call a priest!”
  • You hear a duck quacking, and it’s you.
  • You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
  • You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
  • You tell everyone you have to go home… and the party’s at your place.
  • You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
  • You yawn at the biggest bore in the room… and realize you’re in front of the hall mirror.
  • You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
  • You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
  • You’re at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.
  • You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
  • You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
  • You realize you’re the only one under the coffee table.