Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you’re gone.
Dogs look at your eyes.
Dogs aren’t threatened by a woman with short hair.
Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong.
Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence.
Dogs understand what “no” means.
Dogs don’t brag about whom they have slept with.
Dogs do not play games with you — except fetch and they never laugh at how you throw.
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you’re together.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.
Dogs don’t mind if you do all the driving.
Dogs don’t step on the imaginary brake.
Dogs admit it when they’re lost.
Dogs don’t weigh down your purse with their stuff.
Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
You are never suspicious of your dog’s dreams.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
You can train a dog.
You can force a dog to take a bath.
Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Gorgeous dogs don’t know they’re gorgeous.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there’s a vaccine for it. Of course, your dog is vaccinated, so you get to kill the mangy flea-bag that gave it to you.)