Bachelor
A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
A man who never makes the same mistake once.
A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
Bride
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Compromise
An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Diplomat
A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
Gentleman
A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.
Housework
What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
Husband
A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.
Joint Checking Account
A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
Love
An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
Miss
A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
Mistress
Something between a mister and a mattress.
Mother-in-Law
A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Mrs.
A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
Spouse
Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.
Wife
A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.