Computer Vocabuluary

  • Analog
    Hors d’oeurve, usually made from cheese and covered with crushed nuts
  • Backup
    Opposite of go forward
  • Batch Processing
    Making a lot of cookies at once
  • Binary
    Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes
  • Bit
    12 1/2 cents
  • Branch
    If watered, it will grow into a computer club (see computer club)
  • Buffer
    Programmer who works in the nude
  • Bug
    Programmer’s term for a feature

    An elusive creature living in a program which makes it incorrect.

    Note: the activity of “debugging” or removing bugs from a program ends when a programmer gets tired of doing it, not when all the bugs are removed

  • Character Density
    The number of very weird people in the office, divided by the floor space
  • Computer
    A device designed to speed and automate errors
  • Computer Club
    Used to strike computer forcefully upon receiving error messages
  • Coding
    An addictive drug
  • Compile
    A heap of decomposing vegetable matter
  • Compiler
    Noah Webster (1758-1843)
  • Console
    What one does to a depressed computer
  • Cursor
    An expert in 4-letter words
  • Dump
    A system programmer’s work area
  • Feature
    Hardware limitation as described by a marketing representative
  • Hardware
    The parts of a computer which can be kicked
  • Keyboard
    An instrument used for entering errors into a system
  • Language
    A system of organizing and defining error messages
  • Loop
    See loop
  • Machine-independent Program
    A program which will not run on any machine
  • Microcomputer
    One millionth of a computer
  • Null String
    The result of a 4-hour database search
  • On-line
    The idea that a human should always be accessible
  • Password
    The nonsense word taped to your terminal
  • Performance
    A statement of the speed at which a computer system works. Or rather, might work under certain circumstances. Or was rumored to be working about a month ago
  • Printer
    Johann Gutenberg (1400-1468)
  • Quality Control
    Ensuring that the quality of a product does not get out of hand and add to the cost of its manufacture or design
  • Strategy
    A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until sometime after those creating it have left the organization
  • User
    Someone requiring drug rehabilitation
  • 8-bit machine
    A computer selling for $1.00 (see bit)
  • 16-bit machine
    A computer selling for $2.00 (see bit)