- Carpools with Devine Brown.
- Motel 6 names him “Customer of the Year.”
- Mysterious phone calls in the middle of the night from some guy named “President Bill.”
- You intercept a love note signed by all of the Oakland Raiders.
- That naked guy standing in the corner pretending to be a hat rack isn’t fooling anyone.
- Starts buying those lame excuses you give when you get home late from your mistress’s house.
- Glenn Close speeds by your house every twenty minutes.
- Models new lingerie saying, “If you were my lover, would this turn you on?”
- The smell of Brut is all over her, and you’re strictly an Old Spice man.
- Asks you how you would feel about appearing on “Jenny Jones”.
- Every night: comes home late, carves another notch in the bedpost and giggles himself to sleep.
- The cat has that “I know something that you don’t know” look.
- Bill Cosby called her as a character witness.
- Closet full of Gideon Bibles.
- Raoul the pool-boy is always hanging around, and you have NO pool!
- Amy Fisher shoots you in the head.
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