The Downsides to Buying Sperm Over the Internet

  • “To purchase our official applicator/turkey baster for an additional $6.99, click here.”
  • After your purchase, you keep getting junk email with the subject “MAKE BABIES FAST!!!”
  • “Marketing Manager” keeps calling to offer “free home delivery.”
  • Does the real Stephen Hawking even *have* an AOL account?
  • All of the “product” originates from Mort, a middle-aged landfill manager who likes to login to the teenage girls chatroom as Buffy15.
  • Donors from yahoo.com are just that.
  • They send you a blue dress and tell you to start scraping.
  • Greater than 75% chance of getting a Joke List contributor.
  • No way to know if what you’re bidding on is new or refurbished.
  • Unless you live in a city with an NBA franchise, nobody will believe you actually “hooked-up” with Shawn Kemp.
  • No way to verify that Ernest Borgnine is indeed the donor.
  • Now there’s a coincidence, mine also came with a presidential seal.