- You were meant for me, perhaps as a punishment.
- When I met you, I thought about becoming a Satanist, but then I decided that worshipping you could give you the wrong idea about our relationship.
- I know how to push all my wife’s buttons…now if I could only find the one marked OFF!
- I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in hell ’til I met you.
- Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: what the F@!% was I thinking?
- As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you’re not here to ruin it for me.
- They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars. Looks like someone robbed your ugly ass.
- When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.
- I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
- I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re here.
- When we first met I was anti-abortion. I’ve changed my mind.
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