Why A Man Can’t Win

  • If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist.
  • If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy.
  • If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
  • If you don’t work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.
  • If she has a boring repetitive job woith low pay, this is exploitation.
  • If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your rear and find something better.
  • If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
  • If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.
  • If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment.
  • If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.
  • If you cry, you are a wimp.
  • If you don’t, you are an insensitive bastard.
  • If you make a decision without consulting her, you are a chauvinist.
  • If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.
  • If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination.
  • If she asks you, it’s a favor.
  • If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you are a pervert.
  • If you don’t, you are a fag.
  • If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you are a sexist.
  • If you don’t, you are unromantic.
  • If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain.
  • If you don’t, you are a slob.
  • If you are proud of your achievements, you are full of yourself.
  • If you don’t you are not ambitious.
  • If she has a headache, she is tired.
  • If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.
  • If you want it too often, you are oversexed.
  • If you don’t, there must be someone else.

How Men Could Win

  • Call her the next day.
  • Always laugh at her jokes.
  • Tell her (truthfully!) that you can’t wait to see her again.
  • Offer her a back rub, without asking for one in return.
  • Call her just to say you were thinking about her.
  • Bring her a teddy bear and chicken soup when she’s sick.
  • Write her a poem, even if it’s not very good.
  • Slow dance with her (not only on a dance floor).
  • Bring her flowers for no reason.
  • Send her a (handwritten) letter just to say hello.
  • Always remember your anniversaries and bring her something sweet, preferably chocolate.
  • Kiss her in the middle of a sentence.
  • Take her for a walk at sunset and stay to look up at the stars.
  • Tell her something about you that no one else knows.
  • Remind her that you think she’s beautiful. Keep saying it. She’ll never get tired of this one!
  • Take a bubble bath together.
  • Watch a sappy movie with her.
  • Surprise her with a candlelight dinner.
  • Never stop trying to impress her.
  • Tell her you love her.
  • Never forget how much she means to you.