- Jam 39 miniature marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
- Find out what a frog in the blender really looks like.
- Forget the diet center and send yourself a candy gram.
- Dance naked in front of your pets.
- Tattoo “OUT TO LUNCH” on your forehead.
- Buy a subscription to Sleazoid Weekly and send it to your bosses wife.
- Relaxing by mentally reflecting on your favorite episode of the “Flintstones” during an important finance meeting.
- Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.
- Refresh yourself; put your tongue on a cold steel guardrail.
- Tell your boss to blow it out his mule, and let him figure it out.
- Polish your car with earwax.
- Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room.
- Lie on your back; eat celery, using your navel as a salt dipper.
- Make a tape recording of a lion roaring and play it while frolicking with your kitten in front of the neighbors.
- Ask your neighbor if anything got broken in last night’s earth quake.
- Ride up the escalator facing backwards.
- Write a letter to the editor condemning scientists for trying to wipe out whole species like the AIDs virus.
- Phone the minister of finance and demand a tax increase.
- Send a letter of resignation from your boss to your boss’ boss.
- Write your boss’ resume and submit it to various headhunters.
- Phone your dentist and tell him you’ve changed your mind, you want that wisdom tooth back.
- Tell your husband/wife he/she was adopted. <duh, huh?>
- Phone the university and report that you are an extraterrestrial and would they volunteer to return to your home planet.
- Phone any government agency and ask them “So just what is it you people do all day anyway?”
Tag Archives: stress
Family Stress Test
How to score: 0 if the statement is never true, 1 if it is rarely true, 2 if it is sometimes true, and 3 if it is always true.
- ___ Conversations often begin with “Put the gun down, and then we can talk”.
- ___ The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
- ___ The cat is on Valium.
- ___ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
- ___ You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.
- ___ The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
- ___ No one has *time* to wait for microwave TV dinners.
- ___ “Family meetings” are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
- ___ You have to check your kid’s day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
- ___ No-Doze gives you bulk rates.
How you rate:
- 30 – a perfect score. Welcome to the neighborhood!
- 20-29 – You are doing reasonably well, but still have too little going on in your life. Crank it up.
- 10-19 – You have mastered some of the aspects of the stress-filled life, but still have a long way to go. Have you considered a parallel career path?
- 0- 9 – Enjoying all that extra time? What do you *do* anyway?