The Inkblot Test

A psychiatrist was administering a Rorschach inkblot test to his patient. The doctor showed the first blot and asked what it resembled.

“That’s two poodles having sex,” replied the patient.

To the second inkblot, the patient said, “That’s a naked guy leaning out a window, telling all the men who go by to come in and have sex with her.”

The doctor showed him the third inkblot. “That’s a pair of crotchless underpants,” the patient said.

Unable to withstand this any longer, the doctor blurted out, “You have a filthy, disgusting mind!”

“Look who’s talking!” the patient cried. “You’re the one with all the dirty pictures.”

23rd Psalm for Psychiatrists

The Lord is my external-internal integrative mechanism,
I shall not be deprived of gratification
for my viscerogenic hungers or my need dispositions.
He motivates me to orient myself
toward a non-social object with affective significance.
He positions me in a non-decisional situation.
He maximizes my adjustment.
Although I entertain masochistic and self-destructive id impulses,
I will maintain contact with reality, for my superego is dominant.
His analysis and tranquilizers, they comfort me.
He assists in the resolution of my internal conflicts
despite my Oedipal problem and psychopathic compulsions.
He promotes my group identification.
My personality is totally integrated.
Surely my prestige and status shall be enhanced
as a direct function of time,
And I shall remain sociologically, psychologically and economically secure forever.