A Poem for Moms and Dads

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet
Far from the daily family riot.
May I lie back–not have to think
about what they’re stuffing down the sink,
or who they’re with, or where they’re at
and what they’re doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish–dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean–
(well heck, I’ve got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know–
I must have lost them long ago!

10 Things Not to Say to Your Girlfriend’s Parents

  1. My parole officer thinks Sarah has a calming effect on me.
  2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
  3. Which one of you taught Sarah to give such great head?
  4. Can you believe it those jerks at the corner market won’t cash my welfare check!
  5. We’re going to keep our relationship quiet for now, my wife can be rather vindictive at times.
  6. Those home pregnancy kits aren’t very reliable in my opinion.
  7. Sarah is so pretty I’ve decided to give up being bisexual just for her.
  8. Nice place you’ve got here, that painting looks expensive, I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn’t it?
  9. There ain’t nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sarah’s will be okay too.
  10. Can I put my car in your garage? I’m not sure how long that cop car will stay lost…