Your Starship Captain Might Be a Cajun If…

  • All security personnel are required to wear coon skin caps.
  • He keeps referring to the shuttlecraft as a pirouge.
  • There’s an LSU bumper sticker on a warp necelle that says “Geaux Tigers.”
  • His favorite Holodeck program is called “tho’ down at de fais do do.”
  • Every time you dock at a Star Base, he asks to see the “Cock o’ de Walk.”
  • He programs the replicator for Boudin.
  • He calls the phasers “scatter-guns.”
  • He calls photon torpedoes “slugs.”
  • He refers to Klingons as Catfish.
  • His hand phaser is shaped like a Bowie Knife.
  • He loves Klingon food.
  • He refers to Romulan Ale as Stromberry Wine.
  • His ready room has a porch.
  • His Science Officer’s name is Gaston.
  • The Red Alert alarm sounds like an accordian.
  • He refers to the Romulan Web as a “Gill Net.”
  • The main computer password is “show me your tits.”
  • He thinks “Q” is from Arkansas.
  • He signals Red Alert by saying “Sacre!”
  • He has twenty-seven girlfriends throughout the Galaxy, and they’re all named Marie.
  • When he fights a Klingon Warbird, the first thing he does is shine a spotlight in their eyes.

The FHA versus a Louisiana Lawyer

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer 3 months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):

“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented an application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear title back to its origin.”

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

“Your letter regarding title in Case 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that the US purchased Louisiana from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to land prior to US ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by then reigning monarch, Isabella.

The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus’ expedition.

Now the Pope, as I’m sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.

Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope you find His original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our loan?”

They got it.