- He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
- Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man”
- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
- The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
- The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.
“Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family – but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.
- In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
- No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
- In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
- In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher’s guide.
- In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
- In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
- In college, you don’t have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
- Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn’t heard of it.)
- In high school, you’re told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don’t conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren’t closed and you’ve paid your tuition.
- In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you’re lucky to ever talk with the professor.
- In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
- In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
- In high school, when the teacher said, “Good morning,” you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, “Good morning,” you write it down.
- In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
- In college, weekends start on Thursday.
- In college, it’s much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
- Once you’ve obtained the information described in #10, it’s much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to “just happen to bump into him/her.”
- In college, there’s no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
- In college, your dad doesn’t pay for dates.
- In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
- College men are cuter than high school boys.
- College women are legal.
- In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don’t need a note from your parents saying you were skip….uh, sick that day.
- In high school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed. In college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it.
- In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.